OLD POST ALERT! This is an older post and although you might find some useful tips, any technical or publishing information is likely to be out of date. Please click on Start Here on the menu bar above to find links to my most useful articles, videos and podcast. Thanks and happy writing! – Joanna Penn
We all have fears that we need to conquer as authors.
Fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, and for some even fear of success.
But for me, it’s fear of judgment – fear of what people will think of my writing and me as a person when they read my books. Do you feel the same way?
On a personal note, my writing is getting darker – or perhaps it was always dark, and now I’m just getting into my stride. After all, Stone of Fire opens with a nun being burned alive on the ghats at Varanasi, Crypt of Bone features the ritual murder of a child in a bone church and Ark of Blood has a scene with ritual sex in a tomb.
The book I have just finished writing, Desecration (currently with beta-readers) is definitely towards the horror end of the thriller spectrum. Within the murder mystery at the heart of the story is a tale of body modification, ritual murder, the art of corpses and a consideration of dualism, whether our physical body defines us. (If you like the sound of it, you can sign up to my J.F.Penn fiction mailing list here).
So I've written dark things before but this is the first time I haven’t censored myself as I write. I've given the dark side of my mind permission to indulge but as I am about to start the rewrites, I find myself on the edge of crossing things out, not because they need editing, but because I don’t want people to read them and judge me for my thoughts.
But then why do we write if not to tackle the fears that others look to us to conquer?
So how do we tackle this fear of judgment?
(1) Use a pseudonym
Many erotica authors use pseudonyms to protect their identities and it's definitely the way to go if fear is stopping you from writing at all. But I want to put my name to Desecration and my other books because part of me wants to acknowledge that these thoughts are mine.
(2) Be strong and steadfast but also surround ourselves with people who understand us.
My husband is fortunately understanding of my desire to visit strange spots when we go on holiday. So in Budapest, we spent our time at the House of Terror where Communists tortured people to death as well as the mass grave in the old Ghetto of the synagogue. In Paris it was the catacombs where the remains of 6 million people lie in macabre underground decorative crypts.
These macabre interests are part of me and so I hope you too can find like-minded people who support your research and career. I can definitely recommend the Alliance of Independent Authors if you want to hang out with people who understand the weirdness of being a writer!
(3) Understand that embracing the shadow side is psychologically healthy
In Jungian psychology the shadow is a critical part of our whole self. Life is not all sweetness and light and there is but a thin veneer of civilization over our ancient animal genetics. Death and fear, violence and sex will always be part of our culture so as writers it's important to embrace that and reflect it in our writing. I am acknowledging the shadow more in my own work, and also feel that when the things we fear are on the page, they have less power over us.
(4) Understand that the book is not you
When people judge your book, remember that they are not judging you as a person. I write of ritual murder, but clearly that’s not what I do in my life, which is mainly spent in libraries and at my computer 🙂 If you hang out on this blog, you'll know I am unfailingly positive and generally very happy! We are all complex creatures, so our work is merely one aspect of our character at a specific point in time.
The easiest way to deal with this is to write another book, because who we are right now changes and the next book is something else again … we morph as our work does, or vice versa 🙂 I find the fear of judgment lessens with every book I put out there, because I can just move on.
Do you suffer from fear of judgment? How do you deal with it? Please do leave a comment so I don't think I am the only one!
Robert I. Harris says
I once read that it is important to write thinking everyone you know is dead. That takes the fear out of offending someone. Sometimes in writing I have to draw on some painful personal experiences to get the emotional impact right for my characters and I tell myself that mantra.
R. Ira Harris, author of Island of the White Rose, a novel to be published by Bridgeworks Publishing Co. in August, 2013.
Jocelyn Orozco says
Joanna, this was a genuinely honest post, which as the comments show, resonates with quite a number of us. I’m constantly scared that what I write will be judged. I linked my Twitter and Facebook to my blog so that every time I publish a post- it appears on there. It scares me what the people that I know will think about what I’m writing. It’s sort of silly because on the one hand I want my words to be put out there and read, but on the other hand I’m worried someone will think something I wrote (or how I wrote it) was wrong or inappropriate.
I had written many posts on a previous blog, but wanting to start fresh I started a completely new blog so it’s pretty empty of posts, but I’m going to try something a little different that might ease that fear of being judged. At the end of the day we have to find what will get us through that fear so that we can reach the goals we have!
Barbara Bonardi says
Absolutely! That does it . . . . I’m getting my book up on Amazon by the end of this month. It’s been in hiding for too long. Why? Because I was afraid people would think I was crazy. Thank you for the kick in the pants I needed to finally move forward.
Michael Mardel says
it’s like a little bird chirping at the back of my brain – no one’s going to buy it, not good enough.
Joanna Penn says
aha! the “not good enough” bird – I know that one too!
Make sure you’ve paid for a pro edit, get a pro cover design and get it out there!
Daniel Escurel Occeno says
I do not have fear of judgment. I prefer the traditional way of finding a “big time” publisher. When they publish it with payment, they have given it approval that my critical and hateful relatives and mere acquaintances cannot change an attitude of accomplishment.
The fear I have to overcome is writing the novel(s) because it is my publishing strategy with payment. I am to write as many as I can and continuously send it somewhere until the inevitable happens of being paid with publication.
To help overcome the fear, I try to write almost every day on something (wips) or a new novel idea or come up with characters to create a 50K+ novel. I try to keep up with what the “big six” in the publishing world are looking for, but I try to stay in two genres of mastery and romance and combine or venture into sub genres like suspense or thrillers or historical.
YA is fun, and it would not need judgment but I would like the money.
Jennifer M Zeiger says
Needed to read this. Thanks for sharing. I wrote a story on the blog last week that involved cutting one’s palm to open a door. A commenter jumped from that to human sacrifice, which shook me a bit. Thanks for the advice to move onto another bit of work and remember that the judgement isn’t a criticism of myself but of the writing.
TheMadMack says
I read your blog religiously because I adore that you honor the identical challenges inherent to being a writer (or any artist) and not just the practical challenges. This post was by far my favorite so far (and I’ve signed up for your fiction feed, based on your descriptions for your work, by the way). I wanted to post a comment because what you wrote here resonated so deeply with me.
I write thrillers that flirt with horror, as you do. I’m currently working on a novel called “No Such Things as Monsters,” a highly thematic crime thriller that deals with a number of high concepts, including the spectrum of human evil and how we define evil, the process of judging others’ actions, and (my personal favorite theme) the responsibility inherent to interpersonal power structures. And the themes are the tame stuff. The story line is where it gets gritty. Throughout the story, the protagonist details a number of times he witnessed another man raping various women (including the protagonist’s wife). When I started planning this story, I intended to include these accounts. They serve an important thematic and plot-specific purpose. When I started writing these scenes, my own stomach turned. I have wrestled throughout the writing process about whether to scrap the entire project, because of the rape scenes. But I couldn’t give it up, even though I was scared. And I finally figured out why.
Larger society expects rape victims to be silent. As a society, we applaud survivors of adversity–until we get to rape survivors. For some reason that I can’t explain or understand, we don’t want to hear rape victims tell their stories. We want to dismiss their claims. We want to blame them. We want to paint any picture that gives us an illusion of protection from the same fate. Because let’s face it– rape is really, really horrible stuff.
I realized, after a while, that my fiction was screaming about a topic about which our society is typically silent. And isn’t that our jobs, as writers? To defy convention and introduce familiar (or new) concepts in a different light? Even if that light is cold and unsparing, aren’t we performing a service by being willing to write what most people will not say or even allow themselves to think?
I say we are. I say the call to write is a higher calling, no less important than politics or medicine or military or you name it. Writers are called to speak loudly in saying what our society needs to hear, even if our palms sweat as we type.
Thank you for this post and for a sense of communion with my fellow indie writers who tend to heave against the sides of that ever-present box.
Joanna Penn says
Thanks, and I particularly liked:
“Writers are called to speak loudly in saying what our society needs to hear, even if our palms sweat as we type.”
We are definitely called to write what others fear to even think about. I am pretty obsessed with physical vs spiritual death, so I have used those themes in my book – I do find myself trying to discuss the topics with people and they mostly shy away. So if they won’t talk about it, perhaps they will read.
TheMadMack says
I studied liberal arts with an emphasis on psychology and religion in college; therefore, physical versus spiritual death is one of my all time favorite topics to consider. I wrote a novel about it, actually, called “At the Seams.” If you’d ever like a debate partner for this topic, please contact me! I’d love to talk this kind of thing out with any writer 😉
Thanks for all you do!
Dona
Ana Bastow says
Is funny but this is something several Beta readers had told me that I need to stop being such a lady and be more direct about what my characters are feeling and bring a bit more of my criticism and analytical qualities into the worlds I create. I am terrified of haters so I do struggle because of that too. I also think the world is full of so many bad things that I think I should bring more happiness and peace in my writing not more ugliness. Is one of the philosophical crisis I have within my creative needs.
Thank you for this is good to know I’m not alone.
Joanna Penn says
Interesting you write about being a lady Ana – I am just reading Cheryl Sandberg’s book ‘Lean In’ about women in the workplace and one of the traits women have is being a ‘pleaser’ in all spheres of life. I think we can take that as a good thing, but we do need to dampen that part of us when writing. You’re definitely not alone!
Ana Bastow says
I don’t think it has to do with being a woman, more about being an extrovert. I need contact with a lot of people to feel energized so I learned to be diplomatic as to be liked so I will always had lots of friends. I have some introvert female friends that don’t try to be as nice unless they absolutely have to because for them lots of people suck the energy out of them so they don’t have that need of having a lot of people around so they can just ignore people that don’t like them. I’m finding a way to work around that, but it will take me a while.
Thank you for answering me. Your site rocks!
Joanna Penn says
I’m a total introvert and I really need to be liked, even though I’m not physically with people 🙂 I feel their judgment from afar … but I shall try to be like your friend and ignore people more!
Ana Bastow says
You and me both need to learn that. 🙂
Aleshia Robinson says
Love this honest post Joanna! I don’t think I suffer fear of judgment as much as fear of poor writing. I think I’m an excellent storyteller with a vivid imagination and have been told so by many but I wouldn’t classify myself as a good writer parse. My fear is people aren’t gonna read my work after reading the first chapter cause they clearly hate the way I tell the story. But, whatever. Finalizing book 3 (Kuriko The Damaged Pearl: A Novella) today and will be in editors hands on Thursday. Already 40,000 words in book 4. So clearly fear is not crippling when there’s love to overcome it!
I’d also like to add this month is my two year anniversary of being a Creative Penn fan! In March 2011 I queried 28 agents. After receiving my first rejection email 12 hours later I immediately found myself on KDP and up popped your video in the Youtube queue after I watched KDP’s “How to” video. Been doing a great job thus far!
Joanna Penn says
ooh, great to know my video appeared after Amazon’s 🙂 and thanks for supporting the blog for so long – I always enjoy your comments and I love the community we have here.
Jane Bredius says
Thanks, good post. I am working on my first book and I keep circling with it. My husband is onto my game and has set me a deadline, which is really very kind of him! I am most afraid of an editor/publisher asking me to drastically adapt or change a work which I have carefully constructed. I chose to go the self publishing route to avoid that, but then end up worrying that I am producing a pile of nonsense…
I guess that, once the first one is out there, publishing future books might become easier to face up to!
Joanna Penn says
Creative control is definitely one great reason to self-publish Jane, and you will find it easier as you write more books. You can avoid the pile of nonsense issue by hiring a pro editor and emulating the processes that trad pub use, so don’t worry about that! All the best – and hit that deadline!
Audrey says
I self published my first book and sold five hundred copies in five days. I was astounded…this has given me the confidence to continue the self publishing route. I did worry but remain assured that had I not found that bit of confidence then my writing would have stopped in the attic.
Raina says
I enjoy the squirm factor of writing horror when people say, “What made you think of THAT?” I feel like it’s so far away from who I am there can be no confusion. But my squirm factor is with sex.
I wrote a romance novel by accident (the story went there, I followed), and re-reading the draft found the place holder “and stuff happens” for a sex scene. One place holder was even “la-la-la, and there ya go”.
While I don’t consider myself a pearl-clutching prude, I worry if I write what I’m really thinking people will believe I have done, or want to do, these things. (And so what if I do swing off chandeliers?) I’m very private about bedroom matters and that’s when I hold back; much to the detriment of the story.
TheMadMack says
I adore you description of the place holders!! I was certain we all did this from time to time, but your account of them was priceless. Thanks for the out-loud laughter!
Najib Anwar says
This is exactly what I’m feeling as I am writing my first work of fiction. How people will judge me? Whether they will see a shadow of my life in the fiction. But, frankly Joanna, this beautiful post of yours is encouraging me to be steady and remain confident of my work. Thank you very much.
Dina Keratsis says
Now that Joanna has solved my fear of perfection problem, I can really focus on what many others are saying here about the fear of being judged for the content they choose (or are chosen) to write. (For you romance writers out there, I also cringe when I think about my mother reading my books but love is love and let’s celebrate it!).
There is a famous author that wrote a five-book series. In my opinion, it was the perfect story arc. The heroine and hero went through absolute hell to be transform into the people they truly are. The author served the story. You know that feeling you get when you are channeling the story rather than controlling it? Well, as a reader, I feel that this author did that. In the story, the heroine is gang-raped. Horrifying, yes, but necessary. Many of her fans exploded on the chat rooms and somehow got the impression that the author condoned rape and swore they’d never read her again. She’s still on the best-seller list.
My point is, don’t worry about how you are seen. Serve the story and your readers will find you. There will always be haters. Don’t worry about them. Just write what you feel and do your best to focus on that rather than the fear.
Now on to the sex scene…
Shaquanda Dalton says
Of course I feel judgement whether it’s with my writing or not. You have to realized that no matter how many people you try to please at the same time, someone is still not going to like your writing or you. So why be yourself and let your light shine?
Great post, Joanna.
Pat says
A year or so ago, I was shocked to find out that letting others read my creations filled me with terror and trembles. I had already told three beta readers I’d give them my MS and was equally as terrified to back out. I’d have sooner told them my bank balance or given them pictures of myself in the nude! Obviously, I lived through that experience. I next let 18 women fiction writers in an authors forum I joined review my novel. That was more difficult to handle. But I am hear to tell the tale and still writing. What I’m saying is: Show your Work! Get it read by anyone you can find. People are really a lot less shocked by what we write than we imagine they will be. Jump off that cliff and surprise yourself with the results.
Becky Livingston says
Joanna,
I just read this quote from Seth Godin’s blog and thought it’d be good to remember…
“To make us feel small in the right way is a function of art; men can only make us feel small in the wrong way.” E. M. Forster
Kevin Singer says
Great post, Joanna.
My problem is a little different. For years I was never afraid to go to the deep dark places. Now I want to have more fun in what I write and the stories I want to tell. I’m learning how to be more playful, and hopefully, flat out entertaining. But now I’m thinking that I won’t be considered serious enough. I’m aware of the judgment and I keep telling myself that if people like the story, they’ll read it. Period.
Ajani says
It used to, but hundreds of lit mag rejections (and a few acceptances) over the years have either calloused or mellowed me enough not to worry about it. I’m not sure which. At this point, I look at it as, if someone’s judging, then someone is paying attention. That is, at the end of the day, a large part of why we write. Besides, it has to feel a little good to be able to provoke, right?
L. Purcell says
How are you, Joanna?
Fear of judgment for me? Not at all; at least when it comes to writing. My fear comes when I’m about to climb a ladder so I can paint a two story house or building. As I make my journey up those (endless steps it seems) while strongly gripping onto one side of the ladder and tugging along the five gallon can of paint, I suddenly began to hear voices. Not recognizable ones, but vague. I never try to focus much on them, (the vague voices), because all of my attention is placed on that ladder. I don’t want anyone to get too close to it, at least while I’m on it.
I would like to write a lot more than I do, but my job is curtailing that a lot these days. I drive the huge truck and trailer that have 18 wheels on them, and on top of that, the company is short-handed. I have numerous stories (fictional) compiled in my mushy brain cells that are crying to be released. Eventually that will happen because I do believe that “writing for the public” is my calling.
Joanna, it’s been a pleasure writing these few lines to you. I’m sure that into the near future, I will look back and give all praise to you for encouraging me to do what I always wanted to do….be a full time writer, not to mention a well known author.
Take care,
Larry
Joanna Penn says
Thanks for joining the conversation Larry, and it’s great to have an insight into your life – I hope that you can find the time and space for writing at some point!
L. Purcell says
Thanks for responding, Joanna. I made an error on my brief story to you. I meant to say (a gallon) of paint and not five gallons. Nonetheless, thanks again.
Larry