OLD POST ALERT! This is an older post and although you might find some useful tips, any technical or publishing information is likely to be out of date. Please click on Start Here on the menu bar above to find links to my most useful articles, videos and podcast. Thanks and happy writing! – Joanna Penn
We all have fears that we need to conquer as authors.
Fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, and for some even fear of success.
But for me, it’s fear of judgment – fear of what people will think of my writing and me as a person when they read my books. Do you feel the same way?
On a personal note, my writing is getting darker – or perhaps it was always dark, and now I’m just getting into my stride. After all, Stone of Fire opens with a nun being burned alive on the ghats at Varanasi, Crypt of Bone features the ritual murder of a child in a bone church and Ark of Blood has a scene with ritual sex in a tomb.
The book I have just finished writing, Desecration (currently with beta-readers) is definitely towards the horror end of the thriller spectrum. Within the murder mystery at the heart of the story is a tale of body modification, ritual murder, the art of corpses and a consideration of dualism, whether our physical body defines us. (If you like the sound of it, you can sign up to my J.F.Penn fiction mailing list here).
So I've written dark things before but this is the first time I haven’t censored myself as I write. I've given the dark side of my mind permission to indulge but as I am about to start the rewrites, I find myself on the edge of crossing things out, not because they need editing, but because I don’t want people to read them and judge me for my thoughts.
But then why do we write if not to tackle the fears that others look to us to conquer?
So how do we tackle this fear of judgment?
(1) Use a pseudonym
Many erotica authors use pseudonyms to protect their identities and it's definitely the way to go if fear is stopping you from writing at all. But I want to put my name to Desecration and my other books because part of me wants to acknowledge that these thoughts are mine.
(2) Be strong and steadfast but also surround ourselves with people who understand us.
My husband is fortunately understanding of my desire to visit strange spots when we go on holiday. So in Budapest, we spent our time at the House of Terror where Communists tortured people to death as well as the mass grave in the old Ghetto of the synagogue. In Paris it was the catacombs where the remains of 6 million people lie in macabre underground decorative crypts.
These macabre interests are part of me and so I hope you too can find like-minded people who support your research and career. I can definitely recommend the Alliance of Independent Authors if you want to hang out with people who understand the weirdness of being a writer!
(3) Understand that embracing the shadow side is psychologically healthy
In Jungian psychology the shadow is a critical part of our whole self. Life is not all sweetness and light and there is but a thin veneer of civilization over our ancient animal genetics. Death and fear, violence and sex will always be part of our culture so as writers it's important to embrace that and reflect it in our writing. I am acknowledging the shadow more in my own work, and also feel that when the things we fear are on the page, they have less power over us.
(4) Understand that the book is not you
When people judge your book, remember that they are not judging you as a person. I write of ritual murder, but clearly that’s not what I do in my life, which is mainly spent in libraries and at my computer 🙂 If you hang out on this blog, you'll know I am unfailingly positive and generally very happy! We are all complex creatures, so our work is merely one aspect of our character at a specific point in time.
The easiest way to deal with this is to write another book, because who we are right now changes and the next book is something else again … we morph as our work does, or vice versa 🙂 I find the fear of judgment lessens with every book I put out there, because I can just move on.
Do you suffer from fear of judgment? How do you deal with it? Please do leave a comment so I don't think I am the only one!
Dan Bagan says
Hey Joanna,
Yes yes and yes! I was once hired to write a very dark script called Form”U”la which was all about the destructive relationship between a father and a son. WAY out of my comfort zone but it ended up being very cleansing for getting out all the pent up feelings of growing up with an alcoholic for a father.
I though everyone would think I needed therapy but in the end it was only my own fear.
Dan
Dina Keratsis says
Fear is always there. Usually, it wins. I will stay up all night, crafty scenes in my head. They are lovely. Yet when I sit down to transfer to paper, nothing flows. So I stop. Maybe it’s fear of not being perfect? A silly fear because who is perfect?
Joanna Penn says
Hi Dina – getting over the need for perfection is SO important – for me it was learning to write that “shitty first draft” that was important – what is in our heads is very hard to get onto the page. The book is crafted in the rewriting, not the initial draft. Check out this post for more on this,
http://www.thecreativepenn.com/2012/11/04/writing-first-draft/
and also read Anne Lamott ‘Bird by Bird’ or here’s a podcast where we discuss it
http://www.thecreativepenn.com/2012/12/18/productivity-taking-writing-seriously/
Dina Keratsis says
Thank you! You do such a great service to all of us here. A lot of the fear goes away with the knowledge that we are all going through it, as writers and as humans. I will check out both your suggestions.
Kecia Adams says
Hey, Joanna. I really enjoyed this post and the comment discussion. In my case, I have written some pretty steamy stuff, including f/f erotica, which I published under a pseudonym. It just seemed to flow better when I had that other writer persona (which is STILL me!) to tell the story. It did make me wonder where that material was coming from, but with the pen name I could just go for it. Interestingly, when I included sexy scenes in my novel that’s under my real name, I found them harder to write. Something to ponder…
Joanna Penn says
Sex is definitely easier to write under a pen-name – something I will admit to at some point as well 🙂
Phil N. Schipper says
I was just talking to a friend about this. I wasn’t afraid to put things in my book, but now, worse, I’m afraid to tell certain people about my book because those things are there. I kind of shy away from actually discussing the issues that it brings up. Which is silly, because when you write a book where demons are sometimes good guys you’ve already opened yourself to a torrent of controversy anyway.
So yeah, it’s more of an issue during promotion for me rather than at the time of writing. Although I have shied away from actually showing certain sex scenes, now that I think of it.
Joanna Penn says
I have the same thing about religion as my ARKANE books go into the nature of belief, but I’d really rather not discuss my personal viewpoint during promotion 🙂 Inevitably, this is something we all need to get used to though if we want commercial success.
Tanya says
Sex scares me…at least writing about it. Since my mom reads a lot of what I write, I was terrified of putting this stuff in my writing. I just finished an urban romance novel, a funny one at that, very PG-13 borderline R, but still the thought of my mom reading the scenes where my characters almost have sex (which are very sensual) mortifies me. I have given her the manuscript and warned her, and I quote, “There is a lot of…ahem…foreplay.” This is my mom who raised us strict catholic…I might go to hell just saying that word to her.
She hasn’t commented on it yet, either because she stopped reading at the sex scenes (which I know she has in other novels) or she didn’t like that I was writing about sex. All of my friends say the book is funny and nothing to be bashful about, but just the thought of my mom reading it….ugh.
Now I’m terrified if I release it, all of my mom’s friends are going to think I’m some sort of sex-starved maniac and SHE will be mortified. Mind you, I’m in my late thirties, happily married, two kids….this shouldn’t bother me, right?
I may just have to go with a pen name for this one and stick to my real name for science fiction.
Joanna Penn says
My Mum actually said to me “I’m glad you don’t write sex and erotica because I just couldn’t read it” 🙂 so I know what you mean. Amusingly our parents clearly know what sex is 🙂 but we all still feel weird talking about it. I’d go for the pseudonym in this case …
Patricia Lynne says
Great post. I’m working on my first New Adult book and it has some steamy scenes and I’m very nervous about people reading them. It’s not like the scenes are that hardcore, but since I mostly write YA, I’m nervous about what my friends and family will think of those scenes. Mind you, I have no issues with them reading scenes where I kill off a character.
Pam Stucky says
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Whenever I hit “submit” on a new novel, about an hour or two later I get an intense sense of nausea, stemming almost entirely from that fear of being judged. I’d meant to take out X, re-word Y, re-think Z, why did I leave those things in??! And as much as you and I and all of us here know that we are not our novels, other people do insist on thinking we are. Just because my characters do something doesn’t mean I do it or even endorse it. Some people can’t seem to understand that. A novel is an explanation of ideas, not a recipe for a moral life. I suppose some could be the latter, but most are not! And my novels are so tame – yet still I feel judged by a small handful of people. (Which is why I try not to read the reviews, which, by the way, are mostly good – but which ones stick in my mind? The bad ones, of course!) That’s the way it is, I suppose. Sometimes I have to remind myself that their judgment is not about me but rather about them. But yes, it stings.
Anyway: Yes. The point, of course, is simply not to let the fear stop us. Writing is about courage in so many ways, and growth in writing means growth in courage, and that, my writerly friends, is pretty fab, right?
Joanna Penn says
My thoughts exactly Pam – I had a great time shooting guns in Budapest and my characters shoot lots and fight and kill and die – but that doesn’t mean I endorse those things! The cathartic nature of our writing is important for us and others, but the line between fiction and reality seems blurred in some people’s minds … clearly, the fear is stopping neither of us though!
Pam Stucky says
BTW I mean a novel is an *exploration* of ideas, not *explanation.* Or rather, it should be an exploration rather than explanation!
Never let fear stop you! Lean in, dive in, be vulnerable, have courage! It’s worth it, I’m sure you’ll agree!
Maurice Young says
This definitely is a topic that connects with all of us writers. I certainly have had doubts with scenes in my own works, and the thought of leaving it in normally wins-out. I would say, leave it original; a writer should never squelch their creativity. It could possibly lead to pretty interesting interviews with the media and podcasters which would bring more attention to your books or series. There are a number of interviews on the internet (Youtube) with popular writers and other creative-people who have discussed this subject and how they handle the decision to do it, or the publicity afterwards. Stephen King mentions this topic in his book on writing, where he talks about receiving letters about passages in his books where readers becomes upset about what he has written, but he tells us (writers) to never hold back, because it would negatively influence your writing and originality.
Sally says
Thanks for all the great comments – very helpful as I am actually writing about Fear in my latest chapter in a book about development of our life’s work! Most comments here seem to be about fiction novels – my book is non fiction. So, without writing all the book here, I thought I would at least share some snippets, about the concepts around fear of judgement, covering some of the findings of Steve Miller and the late Will Schutz, tools used in understanding ourselves better. We don’t so much fear judgement, (after all a best seller is surely ‘judged’ as being great!), what we fear is what we percieve as harsh judgement – usually stemming from 3 areas and it is often helpful to identify which or all!
#1 – Inclusion – which relates to our feelings of significance – with underlying fears of being ignored or abandoned. #2 – Control – which relates to feelings of competency – with underlying fears of being humiliated or embarrassed and #3 – Openness – which relates to our feelings of likeability – with underlying fears of rejection or disliked. Most fears root from somewhere in these 3. But interestingly, it is our ability to cope with these outcomes that we fear, not the judgement itself. If you can identify with any of these, then it can be useful to ask yourself what you could do to improve your ability to cope with the outcome or dig around and remember when you have overcome this particular source of feeling before. We have usually tackled this many times before, under different circumstances, but it may not be apparent, especially if we only label it as ‘fear of judgement’. In fun, I refer to myself as a Diamond Digger…..making sense of the many facets that make us unique and shine. Like you, every diamond is slightly different and therefore has special way of reflecting and contributing back to the world. To all – keep writing from deep within you!!!
Joanna Penn says
Thanks Sally – this is definitely my issue
#3 – Openness – which relates to our feelings of likeability – with underlying fears of rejection or disliked.
I am a ‘pleaser’ and want to help people and be liked and be useful (hence this blog!) but I realize that some people just won’t like my fiction, or think I am a ‘bad’ person for thinking those things. My husband says I need to harden up 🙂 as we can’t worry about that – basically, only a small proportion of people will ever like what any of us do.
Amanda says
My dilemma is not dark writing but instead religious fiction. I am in the early stages of planning a historical fiction novel on the life of Jesus as seen through the eyes of the women in his life. Predominately, his sister Suzanna and Mary Magdalene. I went looking for such a novel and found very few historical fiction novels about the life of Jesus. My problem is that as a Christian, I want to portray Jesus as accurately as possible and I find that stifles my writing a bit. Although I try and let go and just write, I am constantly asking myself if what I am writing is Biblically and theologically correct. For example, I believe that in the Bible there is evidence that Mary Magdalene was in love with Jesus (In love not necessarily married, I’m not going the Dan Brown route.) The problem comes in when I try to make the feeling mutual, I find myself asking all kinds of questions like was it possible for Jesus to feel romantic love etc.. I want to write a novel that both Christians and non-Christians will enjoy and so I end up censoring myself.
Joanna Penn says
Hi Amanda, that is difficult because at the end of the day, you are writing fiction – which means you have to make things up – and some people will disagree with you on anything that is controversial. I don’t believe something written as ‘fiction’ can be theologically correct – the two have very different aims.
You have to decide who your audience is as well – I write books that rank highly in Religious Fiction as they are based on Bible verses, but I am not a Christian and don’t aim the book at Christians (although I think they would enjoy it as the books are not offensive).
By the way, if you believe Jesus was human, of course he was capable of romantic love – it’s a basic human need – and there’s an example of the kind of discussions you will have 🙂
JH Mae says
So grateful for this post. Everything I write has a twinge of the macabre to it as well, and I’ve often worried if that makes me a bit unhinged. Glad to read it may actually by healthy to visit the dark side. Great post!
Joanna Penn says
I’ll join you in the unhinged camp 🙂
Steven says
Thanks for writing this post Joanna. You actually set my mind at ease. There are some dark parts in my novel as well and I was wondering what people will think of them. It’s good to know I’m not alone.
mindy says
Fabulous post! You are not alone….Thanks for letting me know I too, am not alone in this fear.
Katherine Owen - Novelist says
Thanks for the post ~ it’s great! It’s just what I needed to read today because I’ve been struggling with the WIP. Your thoughts around fear and judgment of others resonates with me. I have a scene that I was going to temper down a bit because I was afraid of “going there” with my readers. Yet your post reminds me that dark writing needs to be written and our characters aren’t perfect; just like in real life where things (and people) don’t always turn out the way we’d liked them to. Thank you.
Joanna Penn says
Please go there Katherine 🙂 we’ll still be here when you put it out there
Travis Adams Irish says
Joanna,
I can identify with this to an extent. In my latest work, it is difficult to separate feelings, as much of the story deals with things that have happened in my life. My hands were actually broken. Grandfather did horrible things to my siblings and I, which made me want to kill him- literally. Even at age 4. The sequences where women have fits of jealousy and play deceptive games; I have experienced firsthand as well.
Though I have noticed that there is far too much judgement in today’s world. People are obsessed with the “how” rather than “what” comes as the end result. I deal with this by seeing people in three groups: the skeptics, the optimists, and the cynics. It is my belief that you will never please the cynics. A good story will impress the optimists, but a great story will impress optimists and skeptics. I always view cynics as the group who wants to do what you’ve done, but doesn’t have “the stones” to try.
In this regard, I go back to the reason people pick up a book. As you indicated in your article, they want to escape from regular life for a while, take a trip on a new perspective, and feel like they can engage their dreams and desires through the visual edification of your story. If you look at the names of each genre, you can clearly see what experience the person wants from their book: thriller = to be fascinated and stunned, romance = to be turned on, horror = to be shocked and afraid, erotica = to explore sexual fullness, action = to feel and defeat danger, fantasy = to escape and explore. Just as with Eddie Izzard in his comedy career, if we allow the cynics to set the pace for our work, we have deprived the skeptics and optimists of their treasured pleasure.
Joanna Penn says
Well put Travis – and I’m an optimist 🙂
Annette Bingham says
I write non-fiction and do find myself wanting to filter what I write because of what people may think. That is something I work with daily in my writing. I am wanting to branch out into fiction and wonder if that will allow me feel I have a little more freedom in what I write. Your thoughts?
Joanna Penn says
I find fiction is much harder as you go into realms you would never do in non-fiction e.g. ritual murder of a child is not something I would (or could) write non-fiction about but it features in my book – so yes, more freedom – but freedom to go to places you never would in non-fiction. I definitely recommend writing fiction though – it is amazing to create these worlds from our minds …
Taylor Fulks says
Amazing….we find and read what we need when we need it. I have written a very dark and disturbing novel right out of the shoot. I wrote it from a place of rage…not recommended. It’s very graphic and not for the faint of heart. I have 90 reviews on Amazon, 80 of which are 5 stars. So what’s the problem you wonder? FEAR.
Every review mentions the dark and graphic nature of my book…so after starting my new novel (completely different genre) I find myself editing, second guessing, and censoring my writing instead of just letting my story flow. I’m trying desperately to clear my head and heart and just write!
It’s comforting to know that others like you, have similar issues with writing. This is an excellent post…thank you for the insight!
Taylor Fulks
My Prison Without Bars
Joanna Penn says
I’m glad you found it useful Taylor – clearly people liked the darkness if you’re getting 5 star reviews. One way of dealing with this is also to put a warning on the sales description if you’re worried about people being overwhelmed. But you’re obviously giving people what they want – fantastic!
Nadia says
i’m actually adding the finishing touches to my first fiction novel, sometimes i do fear about some dark parts and that people might freak out, but like you said, i have another story in store that is different from the first one.
thank you for this great post 🙂
Dominic Fahr says
Hi Joanna! I understand your feelings; when training as an interrogator nearly fifty years ago I was taught to empathize, so I understand. However, you can put in a fore-note that the comments and actions of the characters may not reflect the author’s own! I usually start with (a) character(s) doing something and then leave it to them. I use arguments that I suspect the most righteous would use to do the most terrible things, actions good, bad and horrendous that I imagine might have been the work of someone, sometime, and twist my thinking in line with the character’s… but then I’ve known a lot of twisted thinkers!! When you are writing fiction whatever happens in the story doesn’t mean you approve or disapprove but form part of thetale. If you’re that concerned, ask yourself why? If readers like your stories, it doesn’t matter, if they don’t… change the slant.
Paul Moore says
Hi Joanna:
I read your article and it was very thought provoking. For me, I’ve had a few ideas for writing about topics that were dark, but I, too, had a fear that people would judge me. I don’t know if I will write about some of the plots and settings that go through my mind at times.
I think that there is a lot of ‘dark’ literature out there and I don’t know if I want to add to that. I am a very positive person for whom the glass is always have full. I primarily read the bible, yet there is also a lot of blood and gore in that too. We can’t escape it. Death is imminent that is for sure, yet I would not like to die the way that some authors write about in their dark thrillers.
As a child,horror movies scared me very much and I would pray every night that I wouldn’t have nightmares. So, in keeping with that, I decided to write from a positive approach to life. My first and only major work I have is called Nathan and Abba. It’s a story about God the Father who comes to earth, Harlem, New York to be exact and he rescues a poor homeless boy named Nathan from the freezing cold. It is a feel good book, and it evokes a lot of emotions from me when I read it.
I have a term I use which to describe the book, but I suppose I shouldn’t use it. I call the book the ‘crack’ of feel good. It is a trilogy. Anyway, maybe some day I will get up the gusto to access the ‘dark’ side of me and write a suspenseful thriller. Have a good week, Joanna.
PS: I save all of your emails in a special folder, so I have access to them whenever I need some encouragement or info on a particular part of writing. Thank you for all that you do and thank you for you.
Joanna Penn says
Thanks so much Paul – and funny you mention the Bible because that gives me a lot of inspiration for my books – it’s also chock-full of violence as well as messages of love etc … most religions are both of these things, as is human nature.
I am also a very positive person – which is why I feel conflicted about my dark writing because it’s not a part of me that I show in everyday life – but it is there in all of us.
P.S. I’m so glad you find the blog useful 🙂
Audrey says
I would often hope my stepfather died in the night so peace might return to our impoverished home; but it didn’t. I’ m a gentle individual who wi ll reach out to help when I can but I still feel a quiet despair that the alcholism still remains to ruin lives but it’s quite difficult to speak out about this. I’m glad that I have.
Audrey
Paul Moore says
Thank you, Joanna.