OLD POST ALERT! This is an older post and although you might find some useful tips, any technical or publishing information is likely to be out of date. Please click on Start Here on the menu bar above to find links to my most useful articles, videos and podcast. Thanks and happy writing! – Joanna Penn
I hate writing. It's so hard to force myself to sit and type words that are a load of crap anyway.
I love writing. Some days I can get into a flow state and the words come effortlessly onto the page, and they're actually pretty good! I love creating something from just my brain. It's the best life in the world.
My mind is completely empty. I will never have another idea.
Trust emergence. Something will come out of the milieu of this crazy, buzzing world.
Write to live: I need to write something that will sell so I can pay the bills.
Live to write. I'm happy to make money with a day job so I can write the best book I can write, without fear of earning income.
I spend all my time alone, and I think I'm going a little crazy with only my weird mind for company.
I can't get away from the incessant email and social media chatter. I just need some alone time.
I love connecting with my readers and fans. I love reading reviews and getting emails from people who enjoy my books.
I'm afraid of criticism. I hate the one star reviews. They make me want to give up every day. Sometimes I wonder if it would be best if no one even read my work, because then no one would attack me.
I want to win a literary prize and be featured in literary magazines for my beautiful use of language. I don't care about commercial success.
I want to sell millions of books and be read by millions of people. I want the income that reflects that level of commercial success.
I just want to write and not have to worry about all the technical aspects of publishing and marketing.
It's so much easier to write blog posts, do podcasts and hang out on social media, than it is to just write.
I want an agent and a publisher so that I will feel validated as a writer.
Number of books sold and money in my bank account, as well as happy readers, are all the validation I need as a writer.
I want to see my book for sale in the local bookstore so that my family and friends will understand what the hell I do all day.
I want to sell ebooks in 150 countries worldwide because in that way I will reach far more people than my local bookstore ever can.
I want a movie deal and a seven figure advance and global adoration and JK Rowling-like success.
I just want to sit in my writing hut and be quiet and stay away from the crowds, and think and write, and be happy.
I want people to like me and accept me and think I'm a nice person.
I will not self-censor. I will write my dark truth.
I pretty much go through this every day. How about you?
Please do leave a comment below if you understand, or please share what else you feel.
Top image: Flickr Creative Commons roller coaster by Eric Lynch
Sing it, sister.
Every time I finish a piece of work, I go through a shocking phase of self-doubt. No amount of comforting comments from anyone else makes the slightest difference. The only way I can regain my self-respect is by creating another piece of work in spite of myself. Perhaps one day I’ll look at what I’ve achieved and give myself some credit. But not yet.
Yin and yang. Light and dark. Jekyll and Hyde. I have an evil twin who wants to defeat me, wants me to give up, wants me to beg forgiveness for having ever had the temerity to even try.
F*** him. I’ll never give him the satisfaction.
I know what you mean about the work, Henry. I can’t seem to rest for a minute and look at what has been created, I am always looking forward to next piece.
Wow! Kind of feels like you’ve been watching my typical work week for the past year. lol.
Good stuff as usual Joanna.
Live to write. I’m happy to make money with a day job so I can write the best book I can write, without fear of earning income.
I love to write but I get “writing anxiety” when I feel as though I’ve taken to long in between each blogpost. If that makes sense.
I think that ‘writing anxiety’ is a need to write – which is what drives us. I get that too. It can be assuaged with a journal entry as well.
Ditto to what everyone else has said. Been there, still doing that. Sigh.
I’m forwarding this to a friend who also needs to know she’s not alone.
Awesome post Joanna. I wrote the first draft of my first novel and loved the writing. Last week I got it back from my independent editor, and (as expected, and I was ready for), it needs lots of work. And then I read a fabulous book in the same genre, and had a few days of feeling very demotivated indeed! But now I’m back on the horse and enjoying tweaking and changing and improving.
Thanks for sharing and glad you continue to balance your light and dark and share them with all your readers.
I’m not sure the balance is ever level, it swings every day – but hey, this is life 🙂
I have only one thing to say:
OMG, you nailed it!
As others have said, how did you get into my head? That is some magic power you wield.
Awesome, amazing post, Joanna. You nailed it. And you’ve obviously hit a nerve. Apparently we all ride this ‘coaster together each day. I’m SO happy to know I’m not in this amusement park alone. 😉
It’s good to share and realize that we all feel the same way!
Yes, Yes, and Yes! To every comment you listed. I thought it was just my ADD Squirrel brain, or because I am writing my way through first draft of my first novel. I have to say each day, don’t give up, write on, don’t give up, write on, do it, do it, do it…
I think we all have to say that for the rest of our lives 🙂
Absolutely agree with you.
If you haven’t watched Disney’s “Big Hero 6″… do it. There’s a scene where young Hiro is challenged to come up with something to knock the socks off a college professor. You see his face full of confidence. He sits down at the desk, cracks his knuckles, and the opening bars of “Eye of the Tiger” begin playing. He grabs a fresh notebook and plops it onto the desk. Then he grabs a pencil and shoves it into the sharpener. He checks the point, and the pencil heads toward the page. Then the music groans to a halt and the pencil hovers a half-inch over the page. They fade out and back in. Now we see tons of wadded up paper. Hiro starts pounding his forehead onto the desk, saying “Useless. Empty. Brain. No. Ideas.”
I laughed immediately. I’ll bet every writer, musician, sculptor, painter, or other artist has experienced exactly that moment a hundred times over…
Another good one is this quote from Kurt Vonnegut: “When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.” (That hit way too close to home…)
Hang in there Joanna. We’ll get through this… 🙂
Not 100% related, but check out Austin Kleon’s “Steal Like an Artist”. I find myself motivated to start creating every time I read or re-read it…
I have Kleon on my shelf 🙂 Thanks!
A brave post Joanna.
Part of being a writer is to lay yourself bare. It takes courage to put everything out there and deal with what comes back.
I hope you, and all my other fellow writers and artists never lose heart and never give up.
Thanks Greg – I was a little worried about writing this 🙂
Um…Hello? Are you actually inside my head!? Because your post is the thought bubble I live inside every single day…
And what a way to end it…”I will not censor. I will write my dark truth.” AMEN!
Thank you, Joanna!
As I wrote this post, I was hoping for these reactions 🙂 I’m so glad I didn’t get a load of comments telling me I am alone in this!
I had a particularly bad day of this today since the recent release of a new line of books in a different genre, under a pen name, that are ranked about as low as pebbles on the bottom of Lake Tahoe.
I went through so many of these thoughts including, “What a dummy, why did I do that, spend all that time, work, money and try something new? Obviously everybody hates it” Well I forgot what it felt like to be a total unknown.
Keeping it real. Keeping it humble. And kind of a dummy, too!
Thanks, I needed this today…
Toby Neal
Writing is a yo-yo. I love how you’ve laid out this post with its zig-zag thoughts. Currently, I have three projects going on at the same time. One’s non-fiction, one’s a final edits on the historical novel I’ve been pitching for years. Third is out of my genre and a challenge. I sometimes make sales, do grand library tours. Other times, I’m wondering why. Stick to reality. That’s the safe thing. Except I love to write.
I’m glad you resonated with it – it’s good to know that none of us are alone in these thoughts.
Most of us will always be an unknown – I am always incredulous when I find that people I think are uber-famous, mostly are nobodies to family and friends! Authors are not generally rock stars anyway! I always come back to Steven Pressfield, who quotes Krishna – “we have the right to our labour, not the fruits of our labour.”
I hear you! I know I write non-fiction, but it’s the same thing. One day, nothing will work, everything is terrible, why bother writing these stupid books that no one cares about it. The next day – or half day – an idea, a rush of inspiration, type type type. One day, ugh, can I really be bothered to put the books on that new website and work out how to take PayPal payments, next day wheee I’m going to do print versions of ALL of them !
It is sometimes triggered by reviews, comments, fan emails (I’m so excited if I get a fan email), but sometimes it just triggers itself out of nowhere.
Blog posts I’m happier with, because I’ve been dong it longer (maybe) but there I get inappropriate rushes of inspiration (like when I have to write a series on something that I’ve been asked to do, then I get 50 ideas for other posts entirely) when I’m trying to concentrate on other things.
So thank you for sharing and allowing everyone else to feel like they’re not alone!
Thanks Liz, and this is just as true for non-fiction 🙂
What a beautiful, passionate, brilliantly contradictory, encouraging, and one hundred per cent authentic post! Loved every word of it. And you know what, Joanne? Truth is never dark.
Mine is 🙂 Have you read my fiction!
You’ve just described my writing days perfectly! I go through that whole gamut of thoughts and feelings constantly. Every day I sit down to write I have to battle the evil angel that’s telling me that my work is crap and no-one will ever want to read it, and wrestle it to the ground. I’m getting better at it – I’m learning it’s all about re-training your mind to stop those thoughts as soon as they appear.
And yes, the 1 star reviews are like a kick in the guts. I got my first one the other day and it hurt – but I tried not to dwell on it and reminded myself about all the 4 and 5 star reviews.
Thanks so much for your post, Joanna, and for putting it out there – it’s really encouraging for me to know that successful authors still have the same fears and doubts as the rest of us.
“You need an editor.” (I have one who I pay for her services.)
“This book is too short.” (It says “novella” on the cover.)
“I can’t believe anyone would promote this filth. (No sex, no cursing in it anywhere,)
“The love affair isn’t believable. No girl would talk to a guy she doesn’t know.” (Uhm, happens all the time every day.)
“People do not fall in love in 7 days.” (Watch Hallmark movies. They do in a weekend.)
The voices never end for me, but I like what Henry said. I won’t give them the satisfaction of stopping. I also have stopped reading reviews, though they occasionally leak to me anyway. I wrote for me, and that matters the most.
Great blog. Thanks for sharing.
Totally feel this way each day! As a children’s storyteller, I get these up and down feelings with every performance… when I’m putting my self, as well as my words, out there. It’s all amazingly beautiful and terrifying at the same time! I’ve recently discovered your blog and I thank you for sharing!
Can I get an “amen”?
Ever? What about all the time?
And it is much about disagreeing with our inner angels and arguing with our inner demons.
It’s like having an open wound that never heals, and what oozes out is never good enough but it needs to get out.