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Why do we shrink away from claiming the word writer when people ask what we do? Louise Wise discusses why in this guest article.
When can you say you’re a writer?
Is it after publication? Or when you’re submitting to agents? Maybe, you believe you’re a writer when you’ve, er, written. Anything. Something.
It’s a heated discussion.
I’ve written three books, and yet I STILL don’t call myself a writer. When I’m sitting in the hairdresser’s chair and my neck is being warmed by the stylist’s bosom and she asks, ‘What do you do?’
I mumble automatically ‘I’m a pharmacist technician.’
My days spent slogging away on my laptop, yelling at the kids for quiet, and moaning at my husband for ‘not understanding’ have completely slipped my mind. And I’ve left the hairdressers with nice bouncy curls but also kicking myself for not revealing my true vocation.
Why can’t I, and many of us, admit that we write?
I’ll tell you why. It’s the comments we get that we can’t deal with. You know the kind:
‘I could write a book if I had the time.’
‘You lucky thing! Wish I could stay home all day writing.’
‘You? But you’re as thick as a plank.’ Not that one? Just me then. Anyway, those are the main questions we are thrown. The other, complimentary ones, I equally squirm over. But that’s me. I don’t know how to take compliments, so the ‘OMG! Have you really! How clever of you! That’s amazing!’ make me prefer the former comments.
It’s because we’re introverted. Many writers are. We’re at one with our thoughts, and before I get all poetic and teary, let me tell you a story.
Stan was an ordinary guy, working in an ordinary job with an ordinary wife and ordinary kids. You could say his world was a grey sort of colour. Dull. He expected nothing, and got nothing.
One day his ordinary wife came home from the supermarket with a flyer.
The flyer said: First the dream, then the work, then the conclusion. If you don’t dream, you’ll never conclude.
It was a flyer for a gym, which Mrs Ordinary chucked in the bin because she was ordinary and didn’t think the gym was for middle-aged women like her, but nevertheless Stan was struck by the words. So struck that that night he dreamed of being promoted at work, and when he woke, he wanted the promotion SO much. It made him work harder. He pushed himself and began doing things he’d not have dreamed of doing before. He began to LIKE his job.
One day, he admitted to his wife that he wanted to be promoted and she confessed in return that she’d joined the gym, and that there were other middle-aged ordinary looking women there too! They made a pact to one another not to just dream but to WORK for their dream.
Stan got his promotion—it took five long years but he got there in the end. Mrs Ordinary left Stan for her fitness instructor, but hey, not all dreams turn out like you expect!
The moral of the story?
Dreams are a long painful slog for you to make into reality. But BELIEVE in them, admit them and above all SHARE them. So tell your hairdresser you’re a writer!
Do you talk about being a writer? or do you keep it quiet? Please share in the comments below.
About the Author
Married, with four children, Louise Wise lives in England. She is a pharmacist technician by day, and a writer by night.
Louise used her general love of romantic fiction and interest in astronomy to write her first book, Eden. She had received many rejections, which stated that the novel was just too original for the current market. An agent took it on but failed to find a publisher for it, this urged Louise into believing in herself as a writer.
Since then she believes she has found her niche with romantic comedy.
Her books include: Eden, A Proper Charlie and non-fiction So You Want an Author Platform? And newly released, The Fall of the Misanthrope: I bitch, therefore I am.
Top image: Flickr CC / nicole.pierce.photography ♥
Jim Murdoch says
The question: What do you do (for a living)? has always bothered me because its aim is to judge. Which is fair enough but it never stops there:
What do you do for a living?
I teach.
Oh, that’s nice, and what subject do you teach?
P.E.
And it’s the same if you’re a writer:
So you write?
Yes.
Who’s your publisher?
They never stop at the one question. And if you keep asking enough questions you’ll finally find the one that will provide a suitably disappointing answer. People will always find ways to cut you down to size and then some and probably not even realise they’re doing it. Even the words ‘writer’ and ‘author’ are now deemed to mean different things. My mum wrote poems in an old school jotter but she wasn’t an author. It’s the difference between someone who’s acted in a school play and an ac-tor on the stage.
I’ve always talked about my writing. I’ve shied away from saying, “I’m a writer,” because, as I’ve said, you’re just setting yourself up to be knocked down when you do something like that. But even saying that I wrote was like saying to most people that I cross-dressed at weekends. It made as much sense to them. But then I’ve spent most of my life surrounded by people who barely read let alone wrote.
I suppose the real issue here is how much the approval of others matters to us. We want to be recognised, to be loved even, for being what we regard as the real us but that’s a tall order. Even my wife doesn’t love me for being a writer although being a writer was definitely a plus since she’s one too.
Joanna Penn says
Thanks Jim and I know what you mean – people are interested when you say you’re a writer or an author, but then they want specifics, and I always get asked ” so can I get your book in waterstones?” which they can’t … and I don’t even do print anymore … so people don’t consider you a real writer if it’s just ebooks. It’s a tough one, but being proud of what we do has to be important. I never liked saying I was an IT consultant at social events 🙂
Louise Wise (@louise_wise) says
That’s another truth, Joanna, people don’t consider the eBook writer a REAL writer. Thank you, Jim, I’m glad I’m not the only one bothered by this!
Thanks for allowing me rant here, Joanna.
Amy Knapp says
I’ve never been asked, “Who’s your publisher?” I didn’t think the non-writing world knew enough about publishers for the answer to mean anything, though I don’t mind being proven wrong.
But how delightful would it be if some actually DID tell you they cross-dressed on weekends? “Amazing! Tell me more about your mystery life!” That’s what I would say. I think people ask series’ of crazy questions when you tell them you’re a writer because it’s a curious life they don’t know anything about. It’s incredibly special and different. Why wouldn’t they want to know more?
Mary Aris says
I’m an Indie author with nine books to my name. It’s funny, but I don’t consider myself to be an Author even though I am. For some reason I feel like a fake because I’m a self-published author instead of a conventional one. For years I’ve wanted to become a writer and since High School I dreamed of writing and being an author.
It wasn’t until 2008 that I gave self-publishing a try with Lulu.com. I published my first poetry book, Melodies of the Heart, in 2008. This was followed by my first fiction book, Princess Rose, which I also illustrated. After Princess Rose I published two other poetry books; then my Autobiography and two other children’s book. In 2010 I registered on the NanoWrimo website and wrote The Curse of Anna Greene. A year later I wrote Jewelz the Juggling Cat and recently I’ve published in E-book format, The Legend of the Scarlet Ravine and other Tales to chill your Bones.
I still feel ashamed of calling myself a professional writer, though, because I feel such a title is reserved for a prestigious author like J.K. Rowling or Danielle Steele, someone who has wowed the publishing world with their best-selling yarn. I don’t think many people consider Indie Authors real authors. This is a crying shame because I work hard on my stories as I know many Indie Authors do. I often drive my husband crazy with self doubt.
Gary A. Swaby says
I’ve only told my closest friends and family about my writing. I will never ever tell my colleagues at my job about it, because I feel they just wont understand it, and I don’t feel like explaining it to them.
I feel like the town I live in (Luton) is a very slow moving town, and it takes people here a lot longer to catch onto things. So half of them have no idea what an ebook is, and the other half would laugh at me for even considering writing to be a serious skill.
So with that being said, I don’t plan to tell anybody else around here about my writing. I only like to open up to those who are open minded enough to understand my passion for the art.
Joanna Penn says
I’m glad you can share it here though Gary 🙂
Louise Wise (@louise_wise) says
That’s such a shame in a way, but I understand. Think we share the same friends, in fact 🙁
Jo Eberhardt says
The first time I forced myself to tell a stranger that I was a writer, I had to immediately race to the bathroom and have a minor panic attack. The second time, it was much easier. Now, I can rattle it off with ease.
“What do you do?”
“I’m a writer.”
“Oh, wow. What do you write?”
“I write sci-fi/fantasy, and I’m currently working on a novel.”
In almost all cases, the response I’ve got has been extremely positive. I’ve had the occasional odd reaction (“I keep telling my wife she could write a novel if she put her mind to it. All those romance stories of hers have the same formula. Anyone can do it.”) but I don’t for a moment regret having started. And much like Pringles, once you pop you just can’t stop.
(As a note, I’m not a published novellist, although I’ve had a couple of short stories published in magazines/anthologies. But I figure the guy who graduated medical school doesn’t wander around saying that he’s an “aspiring doctor”.)
Louise Wise (@louise_wise) says
Good for you! I think it’s down to confidence as well.
Sam says
I’m a freelance web developer. Most people don’t know I’m finishing a fantasy novel.
Louise Wise (@louise_wise) says
It’s a tough call whether to tell or not. Good luck.
LM Milford says
Great post Louise, and very true about following your dreams to get what you want. That’s how I feel about my writing – it’s a dream but if I work hard enough it could become a reality.
I normally tell people about my day job as a Press Officer rather than talking about my writing because that’s something personal to me and I suppose I fear a negative reactions. A couple of years ago I started telling people I was writing a novel, but I always followed it up with ‘Not had anything published yet, but here’s hoping’ to head off the question about whether the person will have read anything I’ve written. So far I’ve not had any negative reactions – people have mostly been supportive and interested to hear more about it. I suppose I’ve been quite lucky!
Louise Wise (@louise_wise) says
I wish you all the best with your writing. Thanks for commenting.
Brea says
This is so funny, because I recently “confessed” to my hairdresser that I’m a writer, and he was really supportive. Like you, that’s as uncomfortable for me as the people who scoff or say, “Everyone’s a writer anymore.” But I tried to be gracious about his enthusiasm, and I actually followed through on my promise to send him the information to my website. Self-promotion is so unpleasant, yet it’s so necessary!
I think one of the reasons we writers are so reticent about calling ourselves writers, especially to other writers, is that there is so much elitism in the writing community, which is highly stratified. There’s still quite a divide between the Writers (with a capital “w”) who have agents and deals with publishers and those of us who are going it on our own. That being said, there is also a lot of support, if you know where to look for it. I hope I’m the supportive type of writer who doesn’t see every other writer as competition. When someone tells me they’re a writer, I applaud them for making such a bold, brave statement. “I’m Brea Brown, and I’m a writer.” Thanks for such a great article, Louise!
Louise Wise (@louise_wise) says
Oh, yes the GREAT DIVIDE! lol
I find my support on line, in real life it’s zilch!
Stacey Mitchell says
Great article, Louise. I can just about admit I’m a writer, but I hate answering the other inevitable questions that come after. I find that people always mean well, but seem to assume that if you admit to being a writer, you must be well on track to being the next JK Rowling. They don’t seem to realise (or want to accept?) that we writers come in many guises 😉 But yes, thank goodness for the online community…
Louise Wise (@louise_wise) says
Yes, why is that? They automatically think you’re so successful. Crazy.
Janice Lane Palko says
I sometimes don’t admit to being a writer because often people react like I’m the second-coming because they are so in awe of writers. It makes me uncomfortable because I know there’s nothing miraculous about what I do. It’s a lot of hard, unglamorous work.
Louise Wise (@louise_wise) says
Oh, the unglamour, yes, plenty of that! lol
Shaquanda Dalton says
Lol. I love the ending of that story about ms ordinary running off with her fitness instructor. I also love romance so I think I’m going to check out your book Eden.
I love telling people I’m a writer if they ask but I don’t like mentioning it out of nowhere even if we’re on the subject of writing. I tell my boyfriend its because I’m too shy but I know I need to break out of this shell and start screaming the name of my book at the top of my lungs to anyone walking by. Or something similar.
Thanks for the post Louise and Joanna
Louise Wise (@louise_wise) says
It’s a difficult cycle to break. I’m still learning. Hope you like Eden if you get it. 🙂
wildcreativesoul says
I am so in the closet as a writer! Nice to know I am not the only one. My blog, my twitter account, my NaNoWriMo account, my everything related to my writing is not even in my REAL name! In my defense, I am new to this and I have been so many things up until now(mom, wife, early intervention consultant etc etc etc) that being a writer is still just mine with no one to justify it to, although I do have to explain it periodically to the hubby and kids! Anyway, one day I may be brave enough to share with others. For now I will enjoy the little secret I carry!
Thanks for the post on this. Now I don’t have to be guilty about my decision to be anonymous.
E
Louise Wise (@louise_wise) says
You’re definitely not the only one! Don’t be too secretive though. It’s all about ‘building your author platform’ and your name is your biggest selling point. Get it out there as soon as possible even if it’s just your Twitter or FB name.
Sorry – unwanted advice. :/
wildcreativesoul says
NOT unwanted! Very valid and I appreciate it. Slowly I hope to open up some of that stuff – 1st step I think is admitting “I am a writer” to myself!
Thanks
Louise Wise (@louise_wise) says
It’s a good first step.
Brian Hoffman says
I get a lot of the same comments even though I’m male and I write crime fiction. I also get these:
Living off the wife?
Are you rich?
That seems easy.
I finally got so tired of it that I came up with a new answer. “I make up imaginary people, then kill them.” You want to a response? At least they don’t ask a second question. I had to give up that strategy before someone called the police.
Now I say that I’m a Literary Content Creator and Manager. It goes to the old saying, If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull____.
Now they just ask who I work for.
Still looking for answer to that one.
Louise Wise (@louise_wise) says
Ha-ha! That’s a good response. I may try that, trouble is I write romance: ‘I make up imaginary people, and then make love to them.’ Think they’ll lock me up!
Jodie says
I do admit it, but almost apologetically like it’s a disease or something. And I HATE the “What do you write?” question because I’m just trying to just get a foothold somewhere so I feel like I should have a more concentrated portfolio. Then when they ask me how long I’ve been doing this as my job and I have to say three years, I feel worse because I think I should have more to show (i.e. loads of cash) for my efforts so I find it pertinent to explain I’ve spent significant time taking MBA classes, volunteering for a local nonprofit writing organization, and enjoying my kids when, from what I’ve read, three years isn’t all that long in the writing-career-building arena (especially doing it part time). By the way, how do you feel when you go somewhere during the day and people assume you have the day off work? This always leads to me saying I work from home so I’ll be working later (and before I arrived) which often draws the dreaded, “What do you do?” So sometimes I just say, “Yes.” I thought all of this was because of my lack-of-confidence problem so I’m glad to see I’m not the only one whose stomach churns a bit when they get asked this question.
Louise Wise (@louise_wise) says
We’ll get there, Jodie. One day. 🙂
DC Farmer says
An age old dilemma and a real battle for a lot of us writers, who, as you wisely point out Louise (sorry about that–no pun intended-not), are very happy, content and confident in our own skins. Once we stray and encounter the tumultuous river of humanity who are curious and not on the same end of the Myers-Briggs scale (http://bit.ly/R0YqsV) as we are, it can be a nightmare. Largely because it exposes to the daylight that squirming snake of doubt that writhes inside us all. After all is said and done, though most of us indeed are at one with what we do and the imaginary landscapes we inhabit, what we seek (actively or unconsciously) is validation.
That can come in many forms; completing the novel, getting it up there on amazon, epubliishing a honed and finished product, maybe finding an editor who likes it, seeing it on a shelf, getting a 5 star review from a stranger, any or all of the above.
These little triumphs are what help us on our way. And yet there is the constant clarion call to build a platform and blog and, worst of all and in extremis, occasionally contact the press. And if you think that telling your hairdresser is a strain, just wait until the local ‘arts’ reporter turns up with a photographer who wants you, if you write thrillers, to look menacing and hold a scalpel in your hand or something equally as cheesy like a snap of you writing a paragraph on a coffee shop napkin, all just to help sell the story. This debacle is usually accompanied by banal questions like, ‘and do you hope one day to see your work taken up by a Hollywood studio?’.
Duh?
You want to scream yes, of course, who wouldn’t–what bigger indicator of validation is there? But if you do you just know the article title will be, ‘local author aims for Hollywood success,’ or other some such completely cringe-making BS.
But the press are a mirror of how the public sees us.
Their readers, like the passing acquaintances at parties, are curious but will never have tried to write, often have an abhorrence of the very thought, have no conception of the craft and the process and the hours involved. But then again you have to remember that neither do they have any conception of the freedom and the joy and the sense of achievement.
So don’t worry about it.
I just say I write in my spare time and generally, because I’m a good Myers-Briggs listener, the conversation usually travels along the lines of, ‘Really, I had a great idea for a book once’ , or, ‘I don’t read books much,’ or, ‘what sort of stuff, I only read vampire romance myself,’ and then, usually, there’s an end to it.
Or you can, like me, try and avoid parties like the plague and content yourself with spending time with those close to you who know you are a slightly weird (but maybe likeable) conundrum of a person who can be extrovert at work and often a clam socially. Oh, and buy some barbed wire to shut out the press (I’ve got several rolls now).
Robin Storey says
Your post really touched a chord with me, Louise. It’s all about mindset. I’ve also written 3 novels but like you, have been reluctant to tell people I’m a writer when they ask what I do. I used to say something like, ‘I’m a probation officer’ (my day job), but then I’d always qualify it by rushing on,’ but that’s the way I fund my passion, which is writing fiction.’ Then one day I had a light bulb moment. I’m not a probation officer who also writes fiction, I’m a fiction writer who just happens to be a probation officer. What a difference that simple shift in thinking has made! Now I always tell people who ask that I’m a writer and my conversations are much more interesting as a result. As for the admiration, lap it up, baby!
Turndog Millionaire says
I’ve recently forced myself to say that I’m a writer, despite thinking I’m a hack and a dreamer most days 🙂
I’ve found it’s helped. It’s like I’m not hiding anymore and putting myself out there. Scary, but invigorating
Matthew (Turndog Millionaire)
Mandy White says
I feel uncomfortable telling people in my hometown that I write. I’m pretty sure I’m the only person here who owns a Kindle.
I get the inevitable questions, followed by disappointment when they learn that they won’t see any of my books on the shelf at the local supermarket. I explain that ebooks are where I make my money and the paperback versions only exist as a convenience to those who prefer them. Quite often that is followed by the helpful suggestion that I send my work to some small presses who might accept it. (“It worked for J.K. Rowling, you know. When she got rejected by the big publishers she found a small press…”)
The hardest part is explaining that I am very happy being an indie and have no desire to give a portion of my royalties to someone else for doing something that I am already doing quite easily.
I’ve also gotten a few who act like I’m the Second Coming because I’m a published author. I have one old friend from high school who won’t even message me anymore because she’s afraid I am making fun of her spelling and grammar. (There is nothing wrong with her spelling and grammar, by the way.)
Why is it that other women my age can hold their heads up high and say that they work as cashiers at Wal-Mart but I feel self-conscious admitting how I make my money?
Ross Mountney says
Very poignant post! x
Louise Wise (@louise_wise) says
Thank you everyone for taking the time to comment on my article.
Pauly says
Love the Mr/Mrs Ordinary story – that was awesome. And very illustrative – a lot of folks think that if you dream of something you’ll get it, period. The whole “you’ll have to work hard for it” or “you’ll have to sacrifice” doesn’t enter into the equation. I know I even miss that sometimes – I’m headed towards my goal and I’m ready to not shy away from the hard work but nothing happens. Not because the work was hard but because sometimes the work is disguised as something mundane or boring or seemingly valueless…but you have to do it anyway.
But on to the question – I don’t call myself a writer mostly because I just started and it’s part-time. I mentioned it a couple of times on my blog but until I feel like I’m doing it as more than just a hobby when I have some free time I’ll refrain and continue to be “a Pricing Guy”. Even if I’m not making money at it I’d still call myself a writer; the fact that I make money for a living elsewhere is irrelevant if my passion lies in writing and that’s what I do.
Mike says
I do have problems telling people I’m a writer. I retired from a management job years ago, did all sorts of things, then last year started to really focus on writing.
I’ve written two novels in NaNoWriMo, in edit mode now. Currently writing a third one.
Have also done 70 flash fiction novels in the last year. I’ve followed prompts on various sites, and published the stories online. Plus I follow a number of writing/editing blogs, read books about writing, and selectively read fiction with an eye to style hints.
So I’m definitely acting like a writer.
However, when I tell people I’m a writer, the next query is where can they find my books. When they find out – nowhere – their eyes glaze over, they turn to talk to someone else. Obviously I’m not a real writer.
Maybe I’ll start saying I used to be a writer but now I give out traffic tickets.