Today I'm talking about “show, don't tell,” one of the most common adages thrown around in the writing community, and one of the most confusing. I'm going to try and cut through the noise and keep this simple.
Watch the video below or here on YouTube.
There are two main mistakes that new writers make.
1. Telling characters' feelings
The first is stating the word that describes the way your character feels. For example, “I'm angry with you,” Jane said.
Or “Jane was angry with John.”
We now know that Jane is angry, but that is TELLING us that Jane is angry.
Whereas when we come to show that same emotion, there are different ways we can do it.
Jane slammed the mug down on the countertop. The coffee spilt over, staining the wooden kitchen table.
“You alright?” John asked.
“I'm fine.”
You know Jane is angry by her action in slamming the mug down and saying, “I'm fine.”
These are common ways that people show they're angry, and saying “I'm fine” is classic sub-text, where the words don't match what's really going on.
You can also use physical description.
Jane slammed the mug down, her shoulders tense, her fist balling by her side.
You can also use sensory detail to describe the scene.
The coffee overflowing and staining the table could be a metaphor for the state of their marriage. The smell of spilt coffee brings it alive.
If you just say, “Jane was angry,” then the reader then has to put all the detail in herself. Whereas it's your job as the writer to put the detail in and to essentially manipulate the reader's mind so that they understand what you're saying.
Writing is telepathy. You have to show the reader what's really happening by describing the scene and they will then mirror it in their mind, experiencing what the character feels. In that way, they will understand the emotion rather than being told what the emotion is.
Respect the reader
Most readers read a lot of books, so they know what's going on. They are intelligent and they're humans and they behave in certain ways like we all do. You don't have to overwrite things. You can use subtle subtext that the reader will recognize as showing an emotion.
I think that's a really good way to think about it. How can you communicate to the reader what's going on without using the one word that states how the character feels?
2. Reporting
Sometimes that can be a good device to use for different story reasons, but other times, it's just lazy.
For example, Fred sends an email.
Hi Auntie Maggie, I went to the funfair with Jane today. It was awesome.
Now, you're telling what happened, but what you need to do is show that scene.
Instead of reporting that Fred went to the funfair, write a scene at the funfair which brings it alive.
We're going to get a lot more sensory detail, a sense of the experience, instead of a very short description stating the fact that they went to the funfair.
When should you tell, not show?
Of course, there are times when you will tell and not show because otherwise, your book would go on forever. You do need to move the story forward in other ways.
So those are the two main ways that new writers particularly tell, not show.
Go through your manuscript and see if you can find similar examples. And remember, you can always work with a professional editor if you need help. Click here for how to find and work with a pro editor.
What are some other examples of show, don't tell? Please leave a comment below and join the conversation.
View Comments (12)
The problem with "show; don't tell" is that a lot of writers do it too heavy-handedly. Their characters are constantly throwing things or flipping tables, and they feel completely unhinged. Be subtle.
We had this discussion in our writer's group last night. It's so easy to skip over this which is why this topic is so common. We know we need to show but still, when writing a scene, our minds skip over it or become lazy.
Thank you. Excellent as always.
I'm determined to master the Show concept. Right now, I seem to be stuck in Active Voice Tell. I'm told my example is Tell. Can someone edit the sentence into Show?
"She picks up the knife and stabs and pulls it through the orange rind. Juice oozes down her hand and arm. The tangy orange fragrance floats in the air."
Thank you for your time and suggestions.
That reads like you're showing us a character cutting into an orange. Not sure what the issue is meant to be :)
Thank you Joanna for your comment and clarification. Seeking to understand Show and Tell I reached out to members of our local writer's group . I was told active voice is often Tell and may be confused with Show. I wondered if my example was active voice Tell.
I have watched many of your Webinars and purchased several of your books. I respect your opinion and grateful for your insight. Thank you for time and sharing your wisdom will all of us.
Loved your explanation of show and tell. Very helpful
You wrote: How can you communicate to the reader what's going on without using the one word that states how the character feels?
That’s the clearest explanation I’ve read of how to both identify what is ‘telling’ and how to turn it into ‘showing’.
Thanks!
Joanna,
Nice article. I know it’s a few years old, but I've been living under a rock. (Humor) Recently, I have been purchasing your books and reading them cover to cover. I purchased 5 from the “Non-Fiction for Authors” category (love them) and I also purchased the trilogy from the “Brooke and Daniel Psychological Thrillers” category. (They just arrived, can’t wait to start on them.)
I was wondering if you plan on releasing a book specifically on “Show, Don’t Tell”?
I get the part about “show, don’t tell” for emotions, but I have a hard time finding training or examples on showing a scene instead of just telling what the scene looks like. Is there a difference between showing and telling when it comes to a scene?
Here’s a sample of a scene I created. Some people have said that I’m just telling them what the scene looks like and not showing.
(My wife left me a year ago today and I’ve been living in a one-room apartment that should have been condemned a decade ago. The room had more fly-strips than lights and the carpet was beaten down exposing the core fibers. At least it was clean. That’s what I keep telling myself even though I know it is a lie. The walls were yellowing from the amount of fried foods cooked in old grease and from a couple of decades where chain smokers took their toll on the McGuire no-tell motel that I now called home. )
Any comments, suggestions, advice, etc. would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
It's more about not 'telling' people what to think.
You can write what the place looks like which is what you've done.
In that example, I would probably remove "My wife left me a year ago today" and go into more sensory detail on the description of the place, then use another way to make it obvious how bad things are for this person. Then have something more subtle, like a reminder of the marriage - maybe, "I took my ring off today," or something that shows the depth of the pain at separation, rather than just 'my wife left me.'
Thank you for the quick response. Yes, for the sake of keeping this comment/question short, I threw in the “My wife left me…” just to set the stage of why he was in this dump. My real concern was in the description of the scene/room.
I get what you're saying about “showing” how the room looked as opposed to “telling” what I see in the room.
Example:
(The room had more fly-strips than lights)
Should read as:
(The stench of age old fly strips hanging sporadically from the musty ceiling muffled what little light that radiated from the few lamps...)
Thank you.
I think "The room had more fly-strips than lights" is fine. Your second example was a little over the top :)
But best to work through your manuscript with an editor. I have some here: https://www.thecreativepenn.com/editors/
Sorry it took so long to reply, but sometimes life gets in the way of writing.
Anyway, thanks for the follow-up. I liked the first version of the flytraps and lights better myself. And thanks for the editor list. In the world of writing, I'm just an infant growing into a toddler. But, we all have to start somewhere.
P.S. Love your books and your writing style.