OLD POST ALERT! This is an older post and although you might find some useful tips, any technical or publishing information is likely to be out of date. Please click on Start Here on the menu bar above to find links to my most useful articles, videos and podcast. Thanks and happy writing! – Joanna Penn
We all have fears that we need to conquer as authors.
Fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, and for some even fear of success.
But for me, it’s fear of judgment – fear of what people will think of my writing and me as a person when they read my books. Do you feel the same way?
On a personal note, my writing is getting darker – or perhaps it was always dark, and now I’m just getting into my stride. After all, Stone of Fire opens with a nun being burned alive on the ghats at Varanasi, Crypt of Bone features the ritual murder of a child in a bone church and Ark of Blood has a scene with ritual sex in a tomb.
The book I have just finished writing, Desecration (currently with beta-readers) is definitely towards the horror end of the thriller spectrum. Within the murder mystery at the heart of the story is a tale of body modification, ritual murder, the art of corpses and a consideration of dualism, whether our physical body defines us. (If you like the sound of it, you can sign up to my J.F.Penn fiction mailing list here).
So I've written dark things before but this is the first time I haven’t censored myself as I write. I've given the dark side of my mind permission to indulge but as I am about to start the rewrites, I find myself on the edge of crossing things out, not because they need editing, but because I don’t want people to read them and judge me for my thoughts.
But then why do we write if not to tackle the fears that others look to us to conquer?
So how do we tackle this fear of judgment?
(1) Use a pseudonym
Many erotica authors use pseudonyms to protect their identities and it's definitely the way to go if fear is stopping you from writing at all. But I want to put my name to Desecration and my other books because part of me wants to acknowledge that these thoughts are mine.
(2) Be strong and steadfast but also surround ourselves with people who understand us.
My husband is fortunately understanding of my desire to visit strange spots when we go on holiday. So in Budapest, we spent our time at the House of Terror where Communists tortured people to death as well as the mass grave in the old Ghetto of the synagogue. In Paris it was the catacombs where the remains of 6 million people lie in macabre underground decorative crypts.
These macabre interests are part of me and so I hope you too can find like-minded people who support your research and career. I can definitely recommend the Alliance of Independent Authors if you want to hang out with people who understand the weirdness of being a writer!
(3) Understand that embracing the shadow side is psychologically healthy
In Jungian psychology the shadow is a critical part of our whole self. Life is not all sweetness and light and there is but a thin veneer of civilization over our ancient animal genetics. Death and fear, violence and sex will always be part of our culture so as writers it's important to embrace that and reflect it in our writing. I am acknowledging the shadow more in my own work, and also feel that when the things we fear are on the page, they have less power over us.
(4) Understand that the book is not you
When people judge your book, remember that they are not judging you as a person. I write of ritual murder, but clearly that’s not what I do in my life, which is mainly spent in libraries and at my computer 🙂 If you hang out on this blog, you'll know I am unfailingly positive and generally very happy! We are all complex creatures, so our work is merely one aspect of our character at a specific point in time.
The easiest way to deal with this is to write another book, because who we are right now changes and the next book is something else again … we morph as our work does, or vice versa 🙂 I find the fear of judgment lessens with every book I put out there, because I can just move on.
Do you suffer from fear of judgment? How do you deal with it? Please do leave a comment so I don't think I am the only one!
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1 2 3 … 12 Next »Definitely not the only one!
I don't think I have a great deal of fear of failure, because I have a (yes, just the one so far) book out there... so I haven't failed. Fear of embarrassment... sort of. But i guess we learn to move past that. Fear of success and the trappings that would come with it... sure thing.
Fear of judgment? Oh, lordy, yes!! Like you, I have a desire to dig deeper into the darker side, but there is always that question "Will others go with me?" hanging out in the back of my mind. And this one isn't about finding love from the masses... it's all about our families and friends. It can be incredibly scary finally "coming out" to them... I still don't think I'm there. Another few books, perhaps?
Hi Deb, I absolutely agree that it is the people who know us that we are afraid of most, because we need their support in this life and we all have different faces that we show to the world. It is natural for people to assume that what we write is what goes on in our heads all the time, but as writers we know that what comes out on the page is sometimes not a conscious thing. I know the writers reading this will understand, but clearly family and friends struggle with the distinction between wife/mother/daughter vs gun-fighting, sword-wielding, murdering author :)
Thank you so much for yet another inspiring and thought-provoking blog! I'm currently working on the outline for the third rewite of a thriller and have been encouraged by an editor to darknen and deepen the violence, and increase the body count. As a person, not for me. As a writer, I embrace the challenge. Right now, I'm stuck between the two, and your blog has come along at just the right time, Joanna. Thanks again!
Go for it Marcus, it's good to stretch the boundaries - but it must also be true to what you want the story to be. Remember you can ignore an editor's advice :)
Great post! I think many writers struggle with this. I am one of them! I spoke with a fellow author at one point though and we realized that being afraid of our darker writing or feeling that the writing was a reflection of who we are limits us and to push that worry aside is liberating. Thanks for the great article.
Oh, and by the way, now I totally want to read your books! **goes to Amazon**
I'm glad you like the dark and twisty Rochelle :) and that you can liberate your own writing from those concerns ..
Plus I hope you love the ARKANE series ...
Great topic! Fear of judgment is probably the second biggest concern of writers, especially when in the midst of a work in progress. (The single biggest—or most often expressed—concern I hear in my work with authors has to do with copyright protection and "stealing" of ideas and work.) I'll share the story here that I often include in my workshops. I read this story many years ago in a writer's magazine interview with the author. When Allison Pearson was writing "I Don't Know How She Does It," she struggled with a scene where her protagonist delayed her bathroom routine one evening, hoping her husband would fall asleep. She knew he'd want to make love, and if they did, she'd have to get up ten minutes earlier the next morning to shower. It wasn't that she didn't love or desire her husband, she was just exhausted and craved the extra sleep. Ms. Pearson deliberated at great length about leaving the scene in the book because she didn't want people to judge her for having these kinds of thoughts. Fortunately, she did leave the scene in because she got overwhelming positive response to that single scene. Evidently, quite a few women related to the protagonist's dilemma.
I use this story in the segment of my workshops where I talk about using your authentic voice. It may help writers to know that it's exactly the stuff that keeps you up at night for revealing that will ultimately touch your readers. It is the exposing of our fears, dark thoughts, sexual desires, and more that will evoke the response from the reader. Contrived or watered-down writing will not make the same connection. In contrast, authentic voice in writing has a powerful effect. It also helps to remember that no matter what, not everyone is your reader...the writer's job is to do his or her best for the ones who are.
My first novel, "The Prince Charming Hoax," began as a nonfiction book about re-entering the dating market after divorce. It was targeted to the 40+ market. I had my own stories, plus those from many other women that I collected via interviews. It was great fun doing the research, but when I got to the actual writing it always seems stilted to me because I was afraid of revealing my true self on the page. (What if my children read the book?) One day while struggling with how to make it real, but not so personal, two characters jumped out onto the page and my fiction writer alter ego (Elyse Grant) took over my keyboard and turned the many stories into the lives of two women characters. It was a wonderful release for me, knowing that I could embellish and invent...in fact, that was what I was supposed to do to make it a great read. I did use my pen name, but not because I wanted to hide my identity. Rather, I felt that the true author was the woman who takes over my computer and is willing to write the scenes that make me blush ;-)
Great thoughts Shelley - thanks for sharing - I like this:
"I felt that the true author was the woman who takes over my computer"
I definitely feel like I let a different side of myself out when I write fiction too.
Understand that embracing the shadow side is psychologically healthy
LOVE. Thank you for writing this.
I think I am more fearful when writing SEO or SEM content than when I write fiction or crime or whatever else. The reason: SEO and SEM is an iffy subject. Something that works for one person may not work for the next person and you might receive a bad review from that person because they do not realize that (even if you put it in the book... which I have and do and will). When it comes to writing fiction though, its ideas that come from my mind and my research. So even if someone would have something bad to say about it, it does not particularly bother me because some people simply do not like other things that other people do like or can appreciate.
I am writing a crime series right now and it's pretty gory. But, I'm not fearful of the readers reading it. At all. I am also writing another SEO book and I am scared to death for people to read it haha. But, that's okay. I will write it and publish it anyway. Sometimes you have to go outside your comfort zone! Actually.. you always have to go outside your comfort zone. That's life. And writing.
If I do happen to write something that is incredibly dark or over-sexualized - I write under a different alias :o)
That's interesting Kristi, I found non-fiction was easier to write because I didn't tackle anything emotional. I can see that the fear of being found wrong in some way might be true for more technical writing, but with fiction, it's the emotional resonance that can really make people upset or angry - or think the writer is a screwball! (I'm claiming that distinction!)
Dear,Penn! I do not have a fear, and it is not affecting my writing! I always knew ,that I am diferent!. Yes ,sometimes I feel my self like a fighting with the windmills, or talking to the deft people, but , I think any one had those situations. If we will let all those things will take over us, they will destroy us. , and there will be not books, there will be no creative writing, there will be nothing,.Black emptiness and black hole. We must not let it happen! I do not know , what is the best way to deal with it, and what is the most effective way to stop all those negativities, but I know excatly, that ,critic, or dissaproval, will not stop me from the writing stories, novels, and telling people the truth. Okay , it is my truth, my perception of things, but it is my way of writing. And if anybody say's anotherwise, just give them a pen and say to try to write it themselves. The marketing is more tricky thing. I just had my first book published in America, and seems get it into Irelands bookshops is more difficult, than smuggle in an illegal immigrant into the country!
Actually, thrillers are not my cup of tea, but there's more to this discussion.
For example, what happens when a writer wants to introduce erotic scenes, thoughts, etc into her books? (I'm not talking of pure erotica here, where one can go under a pen name and that's the end of it, thank you)
This is also a marked case of people looking at you... well, in a certain manner... sometimes even beginning to nurture "dirty" (sic) thoughts about you as a person. Yes, it takes a certain courage and boldness to do this. Yet, as I say in many instances, We only live once. So, if we don't explore ourselves and our writing capabilities in something that we find interesting, we won't have another chance, will we?
And, yes, it makes me hesitant too. But that's alright. We cross boundaries all the time (I hope).
Hi Helene, yes, I think people definitely assume anything erotic is based on the author's experience, forgetting that imagination works in any scenario.
I was worried that my first articles might be wrong somewhere. Waited for the judgement of others. Nothing happened though many people said 'I saw your piece in the T....' I don't think anyone actually read it!
Then my 'novel' thinly embroidered autobiography - didn't dare write anything too explicit in case my children saw it! They have just discovered it - and said it made them laugh. So don't worry, just get on with it.
The best advice about being I writer I ever got said, "To be a writer, you must be willing to run down Main Street naked." In other words, a writer cannot be afraid to let their inner most secrets, desires, fantasies, etc. come out in their writing. What we say, how we say it, what subjects we tackle (yes, that terrifies me that people will know my deepest, darkest thoughts or just those they disagree with...gun control, anyone!?); how we portray anything matters and is a reflection of who we are and what we think and think about. I believe we, as writers, must face these things and put them in front of our readers. We have the power to change the world through our words and we must never allow our fear to stop us from revealing truth...whatever kind of truth we're revealing. And that's the other bit of advice or wisdom someone gave me once, "There are two types of writing: fiction & nonfiction. One tells the truth, the other is nonfiction."
Telling our truth is important - but often it doesn't actually fit with other people's truth :)
That's where the criticism starts ... but hey, that's part of growing a thicker skin as writers I suppose!
Last night I streamed NEVER SORRY a documentary film about the Chinese artist Ai WeiWei. As you probably already know, that guy has something to be afraid of. His art goes way beyond one painting, one book, one photograph, one artifact offered to the public for critical judgement. He defies a state that punishes artists like bureaucracies shred paper.
WeiWei shares the tradition of artist as witness with many around the globe. So when I think of my own fears of being judged by my peers, I think first of the artists like WeiWei who risk all knowing they will be judged, celebrated, vilified, and sometimes silenced.
Here's to courage. May we all have enough of it to wear more than green on St. Patrick's Day.
I have the deepest respect for Ai Wei Wei and other artists who work under regimes that repress creativity - you're right, they risk so much more than a personal sense of embarrassment or feeling uncomfortable. Thanks for bringing a fantastic perspective to this discussion.