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When I speak at writing events, one of the most common questions is how to find time to write when life is just so busy for everyone.
Today Ali Luke, author, blogger and Mum of two, talks about her situation and gives some tips on finding time to write.
If your days are anything like mine, they involve lots of noise, fun, mess, squealing, laughter, laundry … and not much time to yourself.
Whether you're a mum, dad, or other carer, and whether you work or not, finding even a few minutes to write can seem next to impossible.
I've got two little ones (a two year old daughter and a baby son) and while I love them dearly, writing has definitely fallen a bit by the wayside over the past couple of years.
And all the great time management tips that worked for me when I was a student, when I was working full-time, and when I started my own business?
Turns out they don't easily apply to life with two small and unpredictable children.
Here's what I've learned along the way. (And I'd love to hear your tips in the comments.)
Make the most of any writing time you DO have
If you have any time at all to write, squeeze the most you can out of it. Earlier this year, I could sometimes fit in a 15 minute slot of writing while both the little ones napped. (Sadly, my two year old has now dropped her nap!)
While 15 minutes might seem like nothing, it's long enough to make real headway. I actually found I wrote more in some of those 15 minute sessions than I used to manage in an hour or two when I was a student.
Even if you can only find five minutes to write, perhaps after you've had some time to unwind in the evening and before you tackle the dishes, use that five minutes.
If there's someone else responsible in the house, let them listen out for the kids while you put headphones on and forget about the world around you.
Consider which projects to commit to
I often urge writers to stick to and finish one or two projects, rather than starting half a dozen. When you have small children, this is doubly important. If you only have a few minutes here and there to write, you want to be making measurable progress.
If it's realistic (and I know it often won't be), you might want to focus on short projects where ‘the end' is easily in sight. That could mean short stories rather than novels, or blog posts rather than non-fiction ebooks.
You may also want to hold off on any projects that are going to have a steep learning curve, or require tons of research, so that you can spend most of your writing time actually enjoying writing.
Of course, sometimes as a writer you don't so much choose the project as it chooses you and if you really want to be writing your epic fantasy trilogy or your weighty academic textbook, then by all means go for it!
Get a great team behind you
I'm lucky that I have no idea what it must be like to be a single parent and huge kudos to anyone reading this who's managing a little one (or several little ones) single-handed.
If you do have a partner who can help, make sure you're both getting some time for yourselves and for your own needs. Self-expression and the chance to pursue your dreams are needs, so don't let anyone suggest you should forget about writing for now.
Enlist other supporters, too. That might be your parents. I'm really lucky that mine live just round the corner or try your siblings or close friends.
If you can pay for help, do. We have a wonderful cleaner who we found when our oldest was three weeks old, and it's made a huge difference.
If you're a stay-at-home parent, don't feel that you have to do everything yourself. Just as you'd hire an editor and cover-designer to help you publish a high-quality book, there's nothing wrong with hiring professionals to tackle tasks for you while you get on with the important work of being a parent and of getting your writing done.
Don't feel guilty
There are enough guilt trips involved in parenting – so don't let making time to write become yet another one.
I mentioned above that self-expression and the chance to pursue your dreams are things you need. Your writing is important. You deserve time to write, and your well-being will suffer without that time.
(It doesn't matter whether you make money from your writing or not. It doesn't matter if your writing is literary or not. What matters is that you feel happy when you write – or at least happy when you've written!)
I struggled with this one after my second baby was born. I felt like I should be able to set aside my writing for a few months. It took an episode of Charlie Gilkey's podcast The Creative Giant Show to change my mind: Cultivating Creativity During Motherhood, with Lucy Pearce.
Of course, one huge source of writer-guilt is not writing. As a parent, you're inevitably going to have days when you planned to write but it just didn't work out. Whether it's a childcare crisis or plain exhaustion, if a writing session doesn't happen, don't beat yourself up about it.
Its not easy to be a writer mum or writer dad – but it is possible. I'm definitely working this one out as I go along, and I'd love your tips on how you manage, or managed, to fit writing around small children. If you've got suggestions, or questions, just drop a comment below.
It's only open for new members until Friday June 12th, and we're about to start a new Summer Challenge for accountability (and prizes)! If you think you might be interested, check it out now.
View Comments (18)
I didn't discover that I was a writer until I had three kids. Writing is important to my well-being now. Thank you for saying that. My mother thinks I should set everything aside for my kids. If I'm not happy, I'm not a good mother.
I'm lucky that my own mother is a writer too! I'm definitely a better mother when I've had some writing time -- simply being present every hour of the day, and grumpy about it, isn't going to do much for my kids!
Great post. It's true that we need different strategies once we're balancing a family. I've found the biggest thing is to have the right mind set. On the one hand, I have to be realistic. Sometimes I can commit to two hours a day, other days I'm lucky if I have five minutes to spare. I just have to make my peace with that reality. On the other hand, I need a healthy measure of determination. Raw, blind determination. As long as that's in place, I'm able to figure out the logistics to make it work.
Thanks for sharing. :)
I like your mix of realism and determination, Donna! I think you're right that mindset is much of the battle. It's easy to wish for hours and hours every day to write ... but actually sitting down and writing for the five minutes or 30 minutes or two hours that we have available is far more useful than any number of wishes.
What a great way to phrase it Ali. Thanks. :)
Great post.
I am a stay at home Dad / writer. I just finished my first children's book oddly enough in 2 hour blocks every Tuesday and Thursday night at my kids gymnastics practices.
They flipped, climbed and twisted and I sat in the audience seats and banged away on my laptop.
Otherwise, I don't know where I would have found the time.
James
Congratulations, James! I think having a very clearly limited chunk of time can be great for productivity ... though I know how tempted I'd have been in your position to just slump in a chair with a novel to read.
Hope the next steps with the book all go smoothly for you. :-)
Brilliant post. It's so true. I have two kids and a day job. If I'm not busy with one, I'm busy with the other. Yet the writing is important enough that I find time to do it. It is my 'me time'.
I also steal time from when I should be getting some sleep. When I start putting the clothes in the oven and the food in the washing machine, I know I've gone too far with that!
There's definitely a point at which lack of sleep becomes an issue! I nearly tried to put the laundry in the recycling bin the other day...
It's great you're carving out time for writing -- it can be a huge challenge, but as you say, it's so important.
This is me also: it's my me time. I find time for it. The housework suffers and the sleep most certainly suffers. It's a great big balancing act. But as I get progressively tireder each day, I'm starting to see my work and productivity suffer more. Sleep is important, it turns out. Just oh so hard to close the laptop lid when you're immersed!
Thank you for this post Ali Luke, it's always nice to know I'm not alone in the world.
Children can hinder and harness your creativity.... sometimes you jjust have to writite regarless what's going on in the rest of your life.....
True! I think the urge to write is often strong enough that we find a way (even if it means leaving the dishes and laundry piling up...!)
Great tips! I will definitely check out Writers' Huddle as I've found that if motherhood couples with inherent procrastination, what really helps is finding motivators among similarly minded peeps.
Risking you thinking that I'm pimping my blog, I will link to a jaw-dropping Q&A with a first-time romance author (and mother of two boys) who created a bestselling book in two months. Her method is truly amazing and inspiring.
http://mmjayewrites.com/2015/06/02/first-time-author-creates-a-bestseller-in-two-months-the-phenomenal-kim-linwood/
Greetings from Greece!
Maria (MM Jaye)
I really admire romance writers in many ways - and they certainly have the best market :) Nice tats on that cover pic too!
Great post. I really needed to read this :)
Thanks so much for the shout out for my podcast with Charlie - glad it was of help. Do check out my book The Rainbow Way: cultivating creativity in the midst of motherhood if you haven't already - it explores the renaissance of creativity during pregnancy and motherhood that many women experience... and HOW to practically make it work.
http://therainbowway.weebly.com/
Very honoured to have my work mentioned on Joanna's site- saw her at the London Book Fair a couple of years ago and found her really inspiring.
Lovely blog post. As a mother of four special children, I found that what works best for me is to wake up an hour before everyone. It was hard to keep to that when I had a new baby as the nights were then taken over by feeds and cuddles.
I agree with the advice to write in short bursts. I wrote my first book in six weeks by writing in bed (pretending to be asleep so the kids wouldn't highjack my time) on my iPad with the lights off. My son (baby number 3) was three. Half an hour every day. It works. I like to say that f I can write a book in six weeks, anyone can.
Hi Ange,
How many words was your book/novel?