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Many of us have stories to tell from our own lives but memoir is a difficult genre to master. This is a guest post on the topic from Dana Sitar, author of This Artists' Life.
When attempting to turn your great experience into a great book, these are the things to avoid:
Do not use your memoir like therapy.
This book isn't your journal. It's your work. If you're writing a memoir to publish, then you're writing for an audience. Don't spew your stream of consciousness and focus on details that matter only to you. That will create a story that doesn't make sense to your readers or convey the message that you're trying to share.
Instead, focus on the lessons that you learned through the experiences in question. Think about the main point you want to make by sharing your story. How can you best express your point to your audience, so that they can apply it to their own experiences?
Do not worry too much about hurting people.
Of course be nice. But, don't pull punches to the point that it's detrimental to the story. In The Hart Compound, I changed names, tweaked events, and rearranged details to keep from exposing the people who don't want to be a part of the book. But I didn't ignore a good story just because it was potentially sensitive.
Instead, be open and honest with the people around you about your intentions, and they may decide that they're okay with what you're writing. Alternatively, remember that while a few people in your hometown might recognize a character in your book, the majority of your readers have no idea who that person is. If you're serious about sharing a good story, don't get too caught up trying to keep everybody comfortable.
Do not confuse memoir with autobiography.
Memoirs exist to express the essence of a moment in time, not to list a series of events. Don't restrict your story to a front-to-back chronology of how you ended up where you are today.
Instead, hone in on the most compelling moments, memories, and emotions. Rather than focusing on the events of the story, focus on the purpose of it, and steer what you choose to share toward that purpose. Just as you would in a novel, allow yourself to skip time, ignore meaningless events – and get to the good stuff.
Do not make yourself the hero.
Your characters should be as dynamic as the ones you would create in fiction. It can be tempting to paint yourself the victim or the hero of every situation, but no character can be innocent all the time.
Instead, expose your weaknesses alongside your strengths. Sometimes, you have to make yourself the villain. Show where you fail, explain where you fall short, and your readers will appreciate your candor.
Do not try to appeal to everyone.
It's a mistake of any author to try to market to too broad an audience. Don't make your memoir generic in an attempt to draw in the most readers possible. Chances are, your experience is very specific, and if you try to write it for too many different kinds of people, the true point of it will be lost.
Instead, to have the greatest appeal, target a specific audience. Your writing will have a much stronger impact on readers who feel they can relate. (Bonus: Pinpointing your target audience will give your book a fantastic boost when you pitch it for publication!)
Do not wait for the right time.
Memoir doesn't have to be about digging through old journals and photo albums and piecing together memories of a life lived long ago. Don't hesitate to write your memoir because you think you haven't lived enough yet.
Instead, start documenting your life right now. There are stories everywhere. Write a journal, keep a blog, take notes about the life around you. I'm only 26 years old. Instead of waiting until the end of my life to compile my memories, I write autobiographical short stories as they happen, and my memoir is an ongoing series. When a chapter of my life closes, I publish a collection of those stories.
Do not get too attached.
If an editor tells you that a scene doesn't make sense to her – even if it happened in Real Life – it probably won't make sense to your readers, either. Don't ignore vital feedback because you're too close to the events you're writing about.
Instead, step away from the story.
Write your memoir with the integrity of the story in mind. Choose beta readers, reviewers, and editors who have no connection to the people, places, or events in the book – and listen to their suggestions. Be an artist. Write your story. But, don't be stubborn.
Dana Sitar is a freelance writer, editor, and blogger in the San Francisco Bay Area, and author of the ongoing memoir series This Artists' Life. Her latest title, The Hart Compound, follows Dana on and off the campaign trail with the comedians who ran the 2011 Nick Hart for Mayor campaign in Madison, Wisconsin. The author shares writing advice and anecdotes at her blog by.dana.sitar. You can connect with Dana on Twitter, Facebook, and Google+.
Image: Flickr CC Koru Images
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1 2 3 4 Next »Excellent points for everyone wanting to write a memoir, for the public or just for family. A favorite point, one I've found is particularly difficult for our older generation, is "do not make yourself the hero." It is important to let our foibles show. Those make us human and let others relate to us better. I'm passing this on. Thanks!
Thank you for this insight, it will help greatly for the memoir/ teaching piece I am about to write.
As someone who has worked closely with many writers who wish to put their life story into book form. My advice would be this:
A memoir is not a 'true' recollection of your life it is an edited version of events with a wider message. The key it to decide what your message is going to be before you start writing and then pick events that influence that message. For example, if you wish to show how you overcame hardship through resilience, then events that demonstrate both the hardship and resilience should be included.
Another way to think of this is to remember that events are boring, but how people react to events is interesting. You must therefore pick the events that caused a reaction that will be of interest to your wider message. A good memoir is often made by what is NOT included, rather than what is. For example, if you were bullied at school and felt that this influenced your behavior in later life, then it should be included. However, a story about your first pet should probably be left out.
Finally, you should see the main character in the book as not you, but a slightly fictionalized version of you. This makes it easier to remain detached and to keep wider narrative arc (start, middle and end) in mind
Gary Smailes
Great advice Gary. A memoir is not a diary of events, which is what so many people seem to assume it is. You have to keep the theme focused throughout, and be very careful about culling things that might be precious to you, but may not add to the story :)
Great advice Gary! Leaving things OUT is definitely key. When I began writing I wanted to much to include EVERYTHING--because I didn't want an event to go unexplored. What I learned however was to spend time emphasizing what really carried the story along and to avoid getting caught up on details.
Linda, I agree, and think this is the hardest thing for a lot of writers to avoid. I haven't worried much about sharing my weaknesses, and I wonder if that is a result of starting to share my stories so early on? Maybe the exposure that the younger generation experiences through social media and blogging will help us to be more comfortable sharing our foibles.
Hi Dana,
As you know, I already follow your blog, as I too, have written a memoir about my backpacking days across Australia. I think your post is great, and I especially agree with point number one. Far too often, I come across memoirs written by unknown authors and the book is just like a journal you would find in a pyschotherapists office. Now, I am not saying people aren't going to read a book like that but I think to write a truly succesful memoir, your style must be engaging at all times. Your stories must be continually captivating to hold the reader's interest. If they're not, you're unlikely to keep your audience.
Thank you for explaining memoirs. I especially like the point under: "Do not wait for the right time." Blogging really is a great way to chronicle life as it happens. I have created eBooks out of a set of blogs. Maybe a memoir is next? Thanks again, Dana
Dana is right on which she speaks about not to worry about hurting people. As I was working on my memoir, "23 Days," about my last 23 Days on the police force that was a major concern of mine. So much that it initially effected my story. What helped me what that I chose to pretend like on my best friend would be reading it. That worked. Now it's in the editing stage. It is scheduled to be released on Amazon Nov. 8, 2012.
oh geez. memoir is not "our story." i'm nervous. it sounds like we're trying to "make meaning." No. I'm 29. What do I know? I write memoir to find out what the rest of you know about me. Read Albert Goldbarth's "Delft" and then tell me how to tell my own story. It all starts with a flea.
You know a lot at 29! You can start your memoir anytime (I'm only 26...). Sharing your story isn't about finding the answers to everything or the deep meaning in life; it's about sharing the story. What DO you know now, at 29? What do these events mean to you NOW?
Thank you for an insightful article, and Gary, thank you for comments as well.
I've just finished and self-published my own memoir and many of the challenges you mention I had to face, too. Because I am so close to the story, it was difficult to decide what to leave out and what to put in. People are complicated creatures, and sometimes I found myself digressing a bit from the story to tell what I consider an interesting tidbit - sometimes it worked and sometimes it got in the way of the story. So culling was an important part. essentially, I believe, it's all about the story and the wider message as Gary mentioned.
The other big challenge for me was also not be too afarid to hurt people. I'm not afraid to show my weaknesses, but are some other people in the story whose mistakes or weaknesses they might prefer never to see the day. I wrote what I wanted, with some compassion and provided context, and then when I completed the first draft, I asked for their input and comments, and if they would have preferred me using different names. It worked surpsingly well. Nobody had a problem with it. I suppose it depends on how you present them. Although, having said that, that are people who you can't make cute or nice even if you wanted :)
Sonja,
I have found that most writers worry about what they say about other people, and rightly so. The rule of thumb we use is that if the information you put is true, doesn't cause unneeded harm and is important to the 'wider picture', then it should be included.
This said, it is always prudent to remember that people you mention will probably not have a method to counter what you have included in you book. Thus, if including information of a sensitive nature think long and hard.
Gary
Interesting points there! I've just been editing a memoir for someone and it was an enlightening experience. There's a typo you might like to fix though - "hone" for "home". (Hone - sharpen... Home in - as in a heat-seeking missile)