Book Cover Design And Back Blurb For Prophecy Plus Giveaway

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• “the abomination” -> “this horror”. The definite article pairs nicely (I think) with “these words” from the previous sentence, helping focus the reader's attention.

  Re: Republishing. I'm republishing (both paper and ebooks) “Unthinkable” (and including a couple of chapters from the upcoming “Seen Seen?”). I'm not doing the offset run for paper (as much as I'd like to) but going back to CreateSpace (so I don't have to bother with order fulfillment, may Joe K forgive me). I reworked the cover, rewrote the back cover blurbs (book, author, added a series blurb), redesigned the interior, making the whole thing a lot stronger.

  • Thanks Jim and it sounds like your republication will be a great idea!

    • Regarding "abomination" -- it's a nicely loaded word with a lot of theological depth you could exploit. Looking at the Old Testament usage of the term, abomination means something that is unclean because it mixes categories--thus, something that is an abomination is a ritual impurity and is horrifying, though not necessarily terrifying. HP Lovecraft's horror is based entirely upon the abominable. In the current context, you're using "abomination" as the semantic equivalent of "atrocity," which isn't really legitimate. However, having people attempting to do God's work by doing his job for him would qualify as an abomination (as well as being an atrocity). This is all a long way of saying that I think you can probably get a lot more mileage out of the term if you massage its context and really milk it :-)

      And now, of course, knowing the kind of fiction I write, you understand why I call my site "Literary Abominations" ;-)

      -Dan

      • I like abomination too - it's an evocative word and I want people to feel appalled at what the antagonist gets up to in the story, so I'll be leaving that I think.

• Joanna -- The cover is awesome! And thanks for passing on the information about your cover designer too. Also, congratulations on finishing Prophecy. To think, had you gone the traditional publishing route, we'd have to wait until 2013 before we could read it!

  • Thanks Joseph, I'm glad you like the cover! Derek did a great job on it. Once I have 3 books and have sold 50,000 copies then I may well approach traditional publishing, we shall see!

• LOVE the cover, Joanna! Congrats on the upcoming release.

  • Thanks Katie :)

• Really love the cover and the blurp for the back. This cover would definitly make me pick it up on a shelf. Congrats.

  • I'm glad you like it Christina!

• Your description, I think, tells WAY too much of the story. (Don’t feel bad; this seems common among indie authors, who generally are not professional advertising copywriters.) You don’t want to TELL the story; you want to tell ABOUT the story. And questions such as, “Can one woman stop the abomination before it’s too late?” (the like of which I see time and time again in the descriptions of books by, especially, indie authors) always strike me as the worst sort of amateurish writing, as if we are watching a slide from an old silent movie or reading the advertising poster from a 1950’s horror flick. Below is what I would use, and, if I read this blurb, I would definitely want to know more about this book:
   
  “I looked, and there before me was a pale horse. Its rider was named Death, and Hades was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine and plague, and by the wild beasts of the earth.” Revelation 6:8

  The prophecy in Revelation declares that a quarter of the world must die, and now a shadowy organization has the ability to fulfill these words. Pitted against it is one woman, who races to stop the abomination before it’s too late.

  From the catacombs of Paris to the skeletal ossuaries of Sicily and the Czech Republic, Oxford University psychologist Morgan Sierra and her partner, British secret investigator Jake Timber, must find the Devil’s Bible and stop the curse from being released into the world before “one in four” are destroyed in the coming holocaust. Because, in just seven days, the final curse will be spoken and the prophecy will be fulfilled.

  • Hi Peter, thanks for the tips and I see what you've done there. I guess I wanted to use hyperbole in the action-adventure sense of going really over the top. It's frankly that kind of book!
    I think you're right about it being too long though & perhaps telling too much. I shall look at paring it down after some more feedback. Thanks.

• I like Peter's version of the blurb, but I would go with "ossuaries" rather than "skeletal ossuaries" - I guess you could have a skull-only ossuary but it seems redundant and makes the reader pause for a moment ...

  • Thanks Liz - you know they say the average (adult) reading age is about 14 so perhaps I was trying to explain too much. But clearly the readers of this blog are all seriously smart cookies!

    • Maybe "catacombs and ossuaries full of bodies and bones" would work if you wanted to explain it; "skeletal ossuaries" will, in my opinion, confuse people who don't know what one is, and amuse people who do ...

• I like the cover although I'm not convinced by the white horse. It doesn't quite fit in with the ominous prophecy bit. I would try a black horse with less hair and perhaps a sky with thunderous clouds behind. And I would like to see a fleck more colour, maybe a ruby and an emerald in the cross.
  In my opinion your blurb is too heavy and too wordy. I think you are trying to say too much. I would get rid of a lot of the adjectives e.g. "Ground breaking neuro-theology brain research..." if it's research it is ground breaking. If it's to do with the brain it must be neurology; although neurology is actually nerve physiology so presumably someone is cutting open brains and doing something with the nerves in them (my wife is a neuro-surgery theatre sister).
  I would cut 75% of the words cutting out a lot of the explanation. Stick to simple sentences. All you neeed say is

  "Psychologist Morgan Sierra and agent (or whatever he is) Jake Timber must stop Thanatos, the malevolent organisation from getting hold of the Devil's Bible ) or a religious war could start which might envelope the whole World." Then a sentence on how powerful and mighty Thanatos are; "Thanatos has the backing of some oil rich middle eastern countries and the third richest man in the World, the mysterious Russian oligarch Ivan Ivanovitch." Then a sentence on why Morgan and Jake have no chance of success like "Morgan is blind and Jake has a broken leg" or whatever and then mention they have only seven days.

  Sorry for the suggestions but I am trying to be constructive. I always think it's like going on a first date. You need to interest the other party just enough to make them want more. It's always worked for me.... ;)

  Good luck with the book whatever you decide; it looks like it should be successful it's a fascinating story. :)

  • Hi Christopher - thanks for your considered response, I always appreciate the effort people put into their comments :)
    * the horse is meant to represent the 'pale horse of the apocalypse, so I can't really make it black as it's part of the story - we did try a lot of horses and backgrounds before we got to this one. Last year I had a vote on the cover for Pentecost but this year, I fell in love with this option so have just adopted it!
    * I think you're right on the wordiness, others have said the same. I am giving too much information - I shall pare it down for the final version. Thanks so much.

• I like the elements of the cover but would change where the reader puts their focus by bringing the title, horse and cross to the front and receding the skulls to the back. It's an emphasis change between the cover's layers and I think it would draw readers into wanting to know more. A suggestion for you to think about anyway Joanna.
  As for the back cover blurb you'll be able to pare it back and keep the interest high given all the earlier comments.
  Thanks for sharing your process too.

  • Thanks Anne, we'll certainly have a look at the layers. I appreciate your help.

• RE: the cover design, I've got two basic gripes:
  First, though it does look (very!) nice, it doesn't feel of a piece with Pentecost at all. I'd be tempted to rework it with a B&W background and one or two hero foreground elements in vivid color (probably the horse and the cross, and maybe make a skull or a rack of skulls the BG element.

  Second, the white horse doesn't work--your readers who are familiar with the passage will recognize the white horse as the horse of Peace from a different part of the apocalypse narrative. A pale horse is a palomino, not a gray (i.e. white)--it might seem nit-picky, but it's one of those little details that'll throw both your horse lovers and your biblical aficionados. Also, the pale yellow of a palomino will set off the blue background nicely, where the white horse feels very much like a paper cutout at the moment.

  ----

  RE: The cover copy...

  It feels a bit over-written on two counts:
  First, you're showing too many cards at once. Like the trailer for Snake Eyes (an otherwise great thriller), so many of the twists are revealed that I'm left feeling little interest in seeing how they play out.

  Second, as someone with a very solid background in New Testament history, languages, and theology, as well as in gnosticism and the other mystery cults of the ancient near east, I'm left with the distinct feeling that you've over-egged the pudding.

  To explain:
  The entire religious/occult thriller genre (from King Solomon's Mines through the Indiana Jones movies and The List of 7 and Dan Brown) is a genre of the completely preposterous rendered pulse-pounding and plausible by nesting the preposterous elements in a context that makes them highly exciting. It turns on the unlocking of secrets within secrets, hidden agendas, etc. I've thumbed through enough of Prophecy to know you know this, and to put good money down on the fact that the elements you mention in your blurb here are sprinkled throughout the narrative like good spices, with one gimmick leading to the next in a way that creates the excitement of a Russian doll locked inside a puzzle box.

  Unfortunately, the blurb doesn't do that. It dumps the gimmicks and tricks on the table like tinkertoys, and it's frankly confusing. I've got a deep familiarity with many of the different things you're talking about here (neurological research on belief, medieval witchcraft, secret societies, gnostic approaches to the apocalypse, doomsday cults, gov't occult research programs, etc.), and the traditions you're drawing from, but I'm reading this blurb feeling like I've just walked through a kaleidoscope. If it's confusing me, it's gonna confuse a lot of people.

  Because of those two things, I suggest the following:
  Pare it down. Distill it. Drop a lot of the buzz-words and biblical references (not all of them, just most. Even most Christians don't read the Bible enough to recognize what you're on about). Aim for something about half the length.

  Also: For the Revelation quote, pick a different Bible translation. The NLT is owned by Tyndale, a very conservative Evangelical publishing house who may be reticent to grant copyright permission to what they'll see as a heretical book. Also, the language doesn't have quite the timbre of doom you're going for. The KJV, on the other hand, is more culturally resonant (as its language forms the basis of much of our idiom), is in the public domain, and rolls off the tongue more easily. For example:

  "And I looked, and beheld a pale horse. Its rider was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth." Revelation 6:8
  [KJV, which I punched up just a bit to tune it for modern ears.]

  FWIW, I hope it helps!
  -Dan

  • I think Dan is correct in a lot of his assessments. The passage that Joanna used did not seem to have the force that I remembered. I agree that the King James version, especially as he has written it, is much better.

  • Dan, I really appreciate your feedback both as a writer and also as a theologian :)
    I'll be making a number of the changes as you suggest - I am so grateful to have such a brilliant crowd-source community to work with (and luckily my ego was smashed into dust a while back so I am learning to take criticism :)

    • Hey, don't feel bad--I suspect you're selling WAY better than I am ;-)

      Also, worth keeping in mind...
      As with bad reviews, you wouldn't be worth criticizing if you weren't operating on such a level as to be worthy of people's time. This is fine-tuning the professional presentation, and it's really difficult stuff (speaking very much for myself here as well). Hell, I hang around here to help figure out what it is I'm weak on!
      Looking forward to the next iteration
      All the best!
      -Dan

• Tell your cover designer to fix the pixelation of the horse logo and to match the color balance of the cross with the rest of the cover!

  I can't wait for it to come out. :)