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Why do we shrink away from claiming the word writer when people ask what we do? Louise Wise discusses why in this guest article.
Is it after publication? Or when you’re submitting to agents? Maybe, you believe you’re a writer when you’ve, er, written. Anything. Something.
It’s a heated discussion.
I’ve written three books, and yet I STILL don’t call myself a writer. When I’m sitting in the hairdresser’s chair and my neck is being warmed by the stylist’s bosom and she asks, ‘What do you do?’
I mumble automatically ‘I’m a pharmacist technician.’
My days spent slogging away on my laptop, yelling at the kids for quiet, and moaning at my husband for ‘not understanding’ have completely slipped my mind. And I’ve left the hairdressers with nice bouncy curls but also kicking myself for not revealing my true vocation.
Why can’t I, and many of us, admit that we write?
I’ll tell you why. It’s the comments we get that we can’t deal with. You know the kind:
‘I could write a book if I had the time.’
‘You lucky thing! Wish I could stay home all day writing.’
‘You? But you’re as thick as a plank.’ Not that one? Just me then. Anyway, those are the main questions we are thrown. The other, complimentary ones, I equally squirm over. But that’s me. I don’t know how to take compliments, so the ‘OMG! Have you really! How clever of you! That’s amazing!’ make me prefer the former comments.
It’s because we’re introverted. Many writers are. We’re at one with our thoughts, and before I get all poetic and teary, let me tell you a story.
Stan was an ordinary guy, working in an ordinary job with an ordinary wife and ordinary kids. You could say his world was a grey sort of colour. Dull. He expected nothing, and got nothing.
One day his ordinary wife came home from the supermarket with a flyer.
The flyer said: First the dream, then the work, then the conclusion. If you don’t dream, you’ll never conclude.
It was a flyer for a gym, which Mrs Ordinary chucked in the bin because she was ordinary and didn’t think the gym was for middle-aged women like her, but nevertheless Stan was struck by the words. So struck that that night he dreamed of being promoted at work, and when he woke, he wanted the promotion SO much. It made him work harder. He pushed himself and began doing things he’d not have dreamed of doing before. He began to LIKE his job.
One day, he admitted to his wife that he wanted to be promoted and she confessed in return that she’d joined the gym, and that there were other middle-aged ordinary looking women there too! They made a pact to one another not to just dream but to WORK for their dream.
Stan got his promotion—it took five long years but he got there in the end. Mrs Ordinary left Stan for her fitness instructor, but hey, not all dreams turn out like you expect!
The moral of the story?
Dreams are a long painful slog for you to make into reality. But BELIEVE in them, admit them and above all SHARE them. So tell your hairdresser you’re a writer!
Do you talk about being a writer? or do you keep it quiet? Please share in the comments below.
About the Author
Louise used her general love of romantic fiction and interest in astronomy to write her first book, Eden. She had received many rejections, which stated that the novel was just too original for the current market. An agent took it on but failed to find a publisher for it, this urged Louise into believing in herself as a writer.
Since then she believes she has found her niche with romantic comedy.
Her books include: Eden, A Proper Charlie and non-fiction So You Want an Author Platform? And newly released, The Fall of the Misanthrope: I bitch, therefore I am.
Top image: Flickr CC / nicole.pierce.photography ♥
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1 2 3 4 Next »The question: What do you do (for a living)? has always bothered me because its aim is to judge. Which is fair enough but it never stops there:
What do you do for a living?
I teach.
Oh, that's nice, and what subject do you teach?
P.E.
And it's the same if you're a writer:
So you write?
Yes.
Who's your publisher?
They never stop at the one question. And if you keep asking enough questions you'll finally find the one that will provide a suitably disappointing answer. People will always find ways to cut you down to size and then some and probably not even realise they're doing it. Even the words 'writer' and 'author' are now deemed to mean different things. My mum wrote poems in an old school jotter but she wasn't an author. It's the difference between someone who's acted in a school play and an ac-tor on the stage.
I've always talked about my writing. I've shied away from saying, "I'm a writer," because, as I've said, you're just setting yourself up to be knocked down when you do something like that. But even saying that I wrote was like saying to most people that I cross-dressed at weekends. It made as much sense to them. But then I've spent most of my life surrounded by people who barely read let alone wrote.
I suppose the real issue here is how much the approval of others matters to us. We want to be recognised, to be loved even, for being what we regard as the real us but that's a tall order. Even my wife doesn't love me for being a writer although being a writer was definitely a plus since she's one too.
Thanks Jim and I know what you mean - people are interested when you say you're a writer or an author, but then they want specifics, and I always get asked " so can I get your book in waterstones?" which they can't ... and I don't even do print anymore ... so people don't consider you a real writer if it's just ebooks. It's a tough one, but being proud of what we do has to be important. I never liked saying I was an IT consultant at social events :)
That's another truth, Joanna, people don't consider the eBook writer a REAL writer. Thank you, Jim, I'm glad I'm not the only one bothered by this!
Thanks for allowing me rant here, Joanna.
I've never been asked, "Who's your publisher?" I didn't think the non-writing world knew enough about publishers for the answer to mean anything, though I don't mind being proven wrong.
But how delightful would it be if some actually DID tell you they cross-dressed on weekends? "Amazing! Tell me more about your mystery life!" That's what I would say. I think people ask series' of crazy questions when you tell them you're a writer because it's a curious life they don't know anything about. It's incredibly special and different. Why wouldn't they want to know more?
I'm an Indie author with nine books to my name. It's funny, but I don't consider myself to be an Author even though I am. For some reason I feel like a fake because I'm a self-published author instead of a conventional one. For years I've wanted to become a writer and since High School I dreamed of writing and being an author.
It wasn't until 2008 that I gave self-publishing a try with Lulu.com. I published my first poetry book, Melodies of the Heart, in 2008. This was followed by my first fiction book, Princess Rose, which I also illustrated. After Princess Rose I published two other poetry books; then my Autobiography and two other children's book. In 2010 I registered on the NanoWrimo website and wrote The Curse of Anna Greene. A year later I wrote Jewelz the Juggling Cat and recently I've published in E-book format, The Legend of the Scarlet Ravine and other Tales to chill your Bones.
I still feel ashamed of calling myself a professional writer, though, because I feel such a title is reserved for a prestigious author like J.K. Rowling or Danielle Steele, someone who has wowed the publishing world with their best-selling yarn. I don't think many people consider Indie Authors real authors. This is a crying shame because I work hard on my stories as I know many Indie Authors do. I often drive my husband crazy with self doubt.
I've only told my closest friends and family about my writing. I will never ever tell my colleagues at my job about it, because I feel they just wont understand it, and I don't feel like explaining it to them.
I feel like the town I live in (Luton) is a very slow moving town, and it takes people here a lot longer to catch onto things. So half of them have no idea what an ebook is, and the other half would laugh at me for even considering writing to be a serious skill.
So with that being said, I don't plan to tell anybody else around here about my writing. I only like to open up to those who are open minded enough to understand my passion for the art.
I'm glad you can share it here though Gary :)
That's such a shame in a way, but I understand. Think we share the same friends, in fact :(
The first time I forced myself to tell a stranger that I was a writer, I had to immediately race to the bathroom and have a minor panic attack. The second time, it was much easier. Now, I can rattle it off with ease.
"What do you do?"
"I'm a writer."
"Oh, wow. What do you write?"
"I write sci-fi/fantasy, and I'm currently working on a novel."
In almost all cases, the response I've got has been extremely positive. I've had the occasional odd reaction ("I keep telling my wife she could write a novel if she put her mind to it. All those romance stories of hers have the same formula. Anyone can do it.") but I don't for a moment regret having started. And much like Pringles, once you pop you just can't stop.
(As a note, I'm not a published novellist, although I've had a couple of short stories published in magazines/anthologies. But I figure the guy who graduated medical school doesn't wander around saying that he's an "aspiring doctor".)
Good for you! I think it's down to confidence as well.
I'm a freelance web developer. Most people don't know I'm finishing a fantasy novel.
It's a tough call whether to tell or not. Good luck.
Great post Louise, and very true about following your dreams to get what you want. That's how I feel about my writing - it's a dream but if I work hard enough it could become a reality.
I normally tell people about my day job as a Press Officer rather than talking about my writing because that's something personal to me and I suppose I fear a negative reactions. A couple of years ago I started telling people I was writing a novel, but I always followed it up with 'Not had anything published yet, but here's hoping' to head off the question about whether the person will have read anything I've written. So far I've not had any negative reactions - people have mostly been supportive and interested to hear more about it. I suppose I've been quite lucky!
I wish you all the best with your writing. Thanks for commenting.
This is so funny, because I recently "confessed" to my hairdresser that I'm a writer, and he was really supportive. Like you, that's as uncomfortable for me as the people who scoff or say, "Everyone's a writer anymore." But I tried to be gracious about his enthusiasm, and I actually followed through on my promise to send him the information to my website. Self-promotion is so unpleasant, yet it's so necessary!
I think one of the reasons we writers are so reticent about calling ourselves writers, especially to other writers, is that there is so much elitism in the writing community, which is highly stratified. There's still quite a divide between the Writers (with a capital "w") who have agents and deals with publishers and those of us who are going it on our own. That being said, there is also a lot of support, if you know where to look for it. I hope I'm the supportive type of writer who doesn't see every other writer as competition. When someone tells me they're a writer, I applaud them for making such a bold, brave statement. "I'm Brea Brown, and I'm a writer." Thanks for such a great article, Louise!
Oh, yes the GREAT DIVIDE! lol
I find my support on line, in real life it's zilch!
Great article, Louise. I can just about admit I'm a writer, but I hate answering the other inevitable questions that come after. I find that people always mean well, but seem to assume that if you admit to being a writer, you must be well on track to being the next JK Rowling. They don't seem to realise (or want to accept?) that we writers come in many guises ;-) But yes, thank goodness for the online community...
Yes, why is that? They automatically think you're so successful. Crazy.
I sometimes don't admit to being a writer because often people react like I'm the second-coming because they are so in awe of writers. It makes me uncomfortable because I know there's nothing miraculous about what I do. It's a lot of hard, unglamorous work.
Oh, the unglamour, yes, plenty of that! lol
Lol. I love the ending of that story about ms ordinary running off with her fitness instructor. I also love romance so I think I'm going to check out your book Eden.
I love telling people I'm a writer if they ask but I don't like mentioning it out of nowhere even if we're on the subject of writing. I tell my boyfriend its because I'm too shy but I know I need to break out of this shell and start screaming the name of my book at the top of my lungs to anyone walking by. Or something similar.
Thanks for the post Louise and Joanna
It's a difficult cycle to break. I'm still learning. Hope you like Eden if you get it. :)
I am so in the closet as a writer! Nice to know I am not the only one. My blog, my twitter account, my NaNoWriMo account, my everything related to my writing is not even in my REAL name! In my defense, I am new to this and I have been so many things up until now(mom, wife, early intervention consultant etc etc etc) that being a writer is still just mine with no one to justify it to, although I do have to explain it periodically to the hubby and kids! Anyway, one day I may be brave enough to share with others. For now I will enjoy the little secret I carry!
Thanks for the post on this. Now I don't have to be guilty about my decision to be anonymous.
E
You're definitely not the only one! Don't be too secretive though. It's all about 'building your author platform' and your name is your biggest selling point. Get it out there as soon as possible even if it's just your Twitter or FB name.
Sorry - unwanted advice. :/
NOT unwanted! Very valid and I appreciate it. Slowly I hope to open up some of that stuff - 1st step I think is admitting "I am a writer" to myself!
Thanks
It's a good first step.