OLD POST ALERT! This is an older post and although you might find some useful tips, any technical or publishing information is likely to be out of date. Please click on Start Here on the menu bar above to find links to my most useful articles, videos and podcast. Thanks and happy writing! – Joanna Penn
When I switched from writing non-fiction to fiction, dialogue was the hardest thing to get my head around.
You just don't write dialogue unless you're writing fiction of some kind, and it's still the aspect of writing I find the most difficult. Today, Alythia Brown provides her tips for this crucial aspect of writing fiction.
Dialogue tags can present problems for some writers. When we refer to published novels and see varying styles for denoting dialogue, it can become confusing as to which format is correct. Understanding some basics will help clean up your work.
He Said, She Said…
On your never-ending quest to find a new way to say he said or she said, please don’t go overboard with substitutes. If you pepper every speaking phrase with a fun-filled synonym for said, it can become distracting and, well, annoying. It takes the reader’s attention away from what the characters are saying. Said can somewhat pass for an invisible word. Readers are accustomed to and skim right over said. However, you should still be mindful of its word count in your manuscript and try to find creative ways to keep it down. Chortled, gurgled, spluttered, and guffawed (while okay sparingly) should not be stuffed behind every quotation. In general, I’m personally not a fan of using a verb as a dialogue tag when it doesn’t make sense to describe someone speaking.
Not a fan: “Why did you do that?” she giggled.
I opt for this: “Why did you do that?” she asked, giggling.
She couldn’t physically giggle the words. She would speak the words and giggle in between them.
Let Actions Speak for Your Characters
Before you use spluttered for the fifth time in chapter seven, consider this: leaving out the dialogue tag when it’s unnecessary would be better. You can convey which character is speaking by use of action. Sentences before or after the dialogue work en lieu of said or replied (or whatever replacement you’ve found in an online thesaurus).
In the front: Sarah frowned as she studied Marlene. “You’re angry. I can tell.”
In the back: “Where are you going, all dressed up?” Natalie tore away her sunglasses to study her mother’s attire.
Avoid Long Sentences with Hard Returns
Many writers seem to have the habit of beginning a sentence with a hard return to dialogue at the end. This would be a run-on. Instead of one long sentence, make it two crisp sentences.
Incorrect: We stared at the ground for a long time before she finally looked up at me and said, “Would you like to go to the dance?”
Correct: We stared at the ground for a long time before she finally looked up at me and spoke. “Would you like to go to the dance?”
Using Periods and Commas Appropriately
Understanding when you should use a period or a comma is important. If you’re using an action or descriptive sentence to help your readers understand which character is speaking, make sure you use a period. It may “feel” right to use a comma, but that would be incorrect.
Incorrect: “You can borrow my sweater. I just need it back by tomorrow,” Annabelle’s nose crinkled as she smiled at me.
Correct: a) “You can borrow my sweater. I just need it back by tomorrow.” Annabelle’s nose crinkled as she smiled at me.
b) “You can borrow my sweater. I just need it back by tomorrow,” she said, her nose crinkling as she smiled at me.
When your dialogue tag crops up in the midst of a sentence:
Incorrect: “Wait,” she said, “Are you coming over today?”
Correct: a) “Wait,” she said. “Are you coming over today?”
b) “Wait”—she said—“are you coming over today?”
The period after said in option ‘a’ separates the sentences. Setting off she said with dashes, as shown in option ‘b,’ allows the phrase to remain one sentence.
One More Reminder…
When you are using question marks and exclamation marks, you still need to keep the pronoun lowercase because it is all considered one sentence. You wouldn’t randomly capitalize he in the middle of a sentence.
Incorrect: “Can you help me?” He asked.
Correct: “Can you help me?” he asked.
If you’re afraid you’ve been inconsistent throughout your manuscript with dialogue punctuation, simply use the search tool and plug in a quotation mark. You can then go through, one by one, to make any necessary edits. This seemingly tedious task will pay off in the end!
Do you have any comments on dialogue tips? Or questions about dialogue? Please add them below.
Alythia Brown is a wife, mom, and author of Dakota Captive.
She blogs about writing, publishing, and literary agents at Publishing Tips for the Restless Writer.
Top image: Flickr Creative Commons quotation marks by quinn.anna
LIsa says
I do not understand the necessity of stating the character or using the pronoun in the phrase “he asked, she asked, John asked, Mary asked’ when a question mark has been used. It seem superfluous at best and redundant.
For example: Are you coming? he asked.
Does the question mark not do the asking?
I know that many seem to view the above example as one sentence when it is not. The question mark is the end. ‘he asked.’ is not a sentence. This seems to be the accepted format, but it really is grossly wrong.
What this is doing is combining two sentences but not two complete thoughts since one is predicated on the other and the second is a fragment.
Using a ‘so and so asked’ after a question mark, is, in my opinion, very lazy writing.
Joanna Penn says
You have to know who is speaking. If you do that with another part of the paragraph through action, then that’s fine. But this often becomes necessary in scenes of more than two people.
Melissa says
Hi. I have a question. If I want to add on words, or a sentence, after a dialogue tag, when is a comma a necessity? For example: “It’s a long story,” she said when her mother kept questioning her. (Is a comma needed after said?) Another example: “I haven’t done much,” Anna said and began discussing events of her life with him.” (Is a comma necessary there?)
I’m trying to keep up with and apply all of the info I’m getting online, but sometimes it’s seriously confusing. (One writer says this, another that…)
Thanks in advance.
Kent Smith says
Melissa, in my opinion, both of those examples have too much action beat combined with the dialog tag. I would think you could more easily convert both to action beats without the dialog tags with:
Her mother kept questioning her. “It’s a long story, mom.”
“I haven’t done much.” Anna began discussing events of her life with him.
Melissa says
Hi. That’s a great tip. Thanks!
Barry says
I’m still looking for a complete answer to Melissa’s question. What if if have a small amount of appropriate action combined with a dialog tag. For example:
“These are heavy,” John said, lugging the suitcases
“These are heavy,” John said while lugging the suitcases.
Are both these correct? One right and one wrong? Both wrong?
Shawn Sprague says
Joanna,
Like Barry, I’m confused on comma use with post dialogue tag action. It seems like it’s handled differently from author to author. Are there any set rules? Thanks!
Paula says
What about when the dialogue is just part of the sentence and does not use a tag:
“While you’re at it” had been her only instruction.
Ann says
How do you punctuate dialogue that begins mid sentence? For example, the POV character walks into a house and overhears people talking mid conversation. Would it be:
“—isn’t very bright either.”
or
“. . . isn’t very bright either.”
Thanks!
Joanna Penn says
I’d use – since … is for trailing off
Stan says
Use the m-dash. It is for abrupt exits/entries. The ellipsis can be used for trailing outs AND trailing ins, but by the same character. For instance:
“I didn’t want to . . . um . . .” Lisa said as she paused a moment to choose the right word, ” . . . anticipate your response.”
Adele Smith says
Hello Joanna,
I follow your show and all. I guess I’m a regular. 🙂
Dialogue tags are very tricky. How about a dialogue tag with action after it? These are often at the end of a sentence.
“This was my favorite doll when I was a little girl,” Ava commented as she gently placed the doll into her hope chest.
“Why can’t I have it?” asked little Jean reaching out to touch the doll’s dress.
Do I put a comma between the “He said or she said” and the action I describe?
Kathryn Schieber says
Hi Adele, Barry, Melissa, Shawn:
The answer to your question is – follow normal rules for comma punctuation. To use your examples:
“I haven’t done much,” Anna said and began discussing events of her life with him.” (You wouldn’t put a comma before ‘and’ in this sentence because it is not a coordinating conjunction before an independent phrase.)
“These are heavy,” John said, lugging the suitcases. (You do need the comma here before the nonrestrictive (which could be left off and still make sense) participial phrase (verb ending in ‘ing). )
“These are heavy,” John said while lugging the suitcases. (You don’t need a comma before a phrase starting with ‘while’ if it means ‘during the same time’ but you do if it means ‘although.’ So this one is good without.)
“This was my favorite doll when I was a little girl,” Ava commented as she gently placed the doll into her hope chest. (You don’t need a comma before ‘as’ when it means ‘at the same time’ as it does here.)
“Why can’t I have it?” asked little Jean reaching out to touch the doll’s dress. (You do need a comma before ‘reaching’ here because – like with ‘lugging’ above – it is the begining of a nonrestrictive participial phrase.)
Shari Quinlivan says
Please help!! If it’s already established that the dialogue is quickly moving back and forth between people is either example below correct, is it a combo of both or something else entirely?!?! How should it read?
Maria couldn’t wait. “How did it go?”
Ivy smiled. “Pretty well.”
Buster agreed. “That’s for sure!”
OR
Maria couldn’t wait, “how did it go?”
Ivy smiled, “pretty well.”
Buster agreed, “that’s for sure!”
Thanks!
Shari
Lessa Lamb says
I’m a copy editor, and this is what I’d suggest:
Maria couldn’t wait. “How did it go?”
“Pretty well,” Ivy responded, smiling.
“That’s for sure!” Buster agreed. (If the word following the !” was not a proper noun, it would not be capitalized. Ex: “That’s for sure!” he agreed.)
You can certainly put dialog tags before the speech, but this pattern three speakers in a row starts to sound contrived.
If you were to punctuate either of these correctly, in your original format, it’d look like this:
Maria couldn’t wait. “How did it go?”
Ivy smiled. “Pretty well.”
Buster agreed, “That’s for sure!”
In the first sentence, the dialog tag “Maria couldn’t wait” is a complete thought on its own, and does not lead into the dialog by indicating how it was said, like ‘Maria, who couldn’t wait, exclaimed, “How did it go?”‘ It stands on its own, and therefore gets punctuated like the sentence it is: with a period.
In the second case, the phrase “Ivy smiled” could go either way. If it is intended to be used in place of something like “Ivy said,” there would be a comma after the clause, like this: Ivy smiled, “Pretty well.” If she smiled, and then verbalized her thoughts, it gets a period: Ivy smiled. “Pretty well.”
In the third sentence, again, it can go either way, and depends on how you want it to be taken. If Buster’s agreement is a statement in and of itself, it can be punctuated with a period. If it’s the lead in to the dialog, then it gets a comma. In BOTH cases, however, the first letter of Buster’s dialog is capitalized, because it is the thought he is expressing in its entirety. Ex: Buster agreed. “That’s for sure!” or Buster agreed, “That’s for sure!”
ryan says
Hello there, just wanting to know if my sentence below is formatted correctly, I am trying to gauge when to use a comma v period. And what should be capitialised? Any help would be great, thanks. Ryan (New Zealand)
“Tieel,” a young women’s voice loudly whispered, giggling to herself when she saw the axe head miss the log of pine.
Kathryn Schieber says
Hi Ryan,
This is a tricky one, since you are using what can be a dialogue tag “whispered” in an action tag sentence. I would recommend breaking it up into smaller chunks.
Tieel,” whispered the young woman. She giggled to herself when she saw the axe head miss the log of pine.
One thing to watch out for is having inanimate objects acting on their own. So a voice doesn’t whisper – a woman whispers. Or you can say someone heard a young woman’s voice. Same thing for the axe head. Whoever is wielding the axe has missed the log. The axe isn’t operating on its own. – Unless it is – depends on the genre I guess. 😉
Shanna Nason says
Just having a slight disagreement, could you help with the following sentence…
“I hate learning punctuation!” exclaimed Malley, “but, I really love playing this grammar game.”
or
“I hate learning punctuation,” exclaimed Malley, “but, I really love playing this grammar game!”
or
Neither is correct.
THANKS SO MUCH
Anna Kaling says
Whether you use a comma or exclamation mark there is a question of style, not right or wrong. But you should have a period after “exclaimed Malley” instead of a comma, and lose the comma after ‘But.’
Maegan says
Hi there,
I’m wondering if “he said” is allowed when a sentence includes a question mark. Or must I use “he asked.”
For example:
“Know what tomorrow is?” I said.
“Wednesday?” he said, laughing.
This is for fiction writing, so I wondered if “said” could be used in this way even though it technically may bend some rules.
Thanks!
Anna Kaling says
‘Said’ is fine when tagging a question. Many would say ‘asked’ is redundant, as the question mark already shows you it’s being asked.
A. S. Templeton says
This more concerns the industry politics of dialog-tag verb selection, not style per se.
I’ve read many agents, editors, and writing-blog opinionators state that any dialogue tag verb beyond Said or Asked (the Elmore Leonard school) is considered the mark of a rank amateur.
Yet what to make of these tag verbs I found scattered throughout a recent novel by a bestselling author (whose initials may or may not be J.A.J.): Asked, Added, Admitted, Advised, Agreed, Allowed, Answered, Asked, Assured, Began, Called, Called after, Cautioned, Chimed in, Commanded, Corrected, Croaked, Declared, Demanded, Echoed, Explained, Groused, Growled, Grumbled, Inquired, Insisted, Interjected, Managed, Muttered, Nodded (!), Observed, Ordered, Pleaded, Repeated, Replied, Returned, Said, Smiled (!), Sneered, Sniffed (!), Sobbed, Suggested, Told, Urged, Whined, Whispered.
Another recent author (with mainstream publisher, not a self-pub) gleefully uses Boomed, Called out, Continued, Gasped, Grinned (!), Hissed, Interrupted, Mumbled, Murmured, Replied, Scowled (!), Shouted, Snapped, Whispered, Yelled.
I do see the danger in characters using cognition-loaded verbs (Corrected, Demanded, Cautioned), which constitutes a jab of head-hopping if the dramatic focus has been and should stay on another character.
But my point is, how is it that an established author with a huge fanbase can go to town in “creative” tag verb usage, while the rest of us are endlessly hectored into sticking to “he said” and “she asked”?
batmansbestfriend says
I hate, and I mean HATE “he said/she said” dialogue tags. We know it was “said” otherwise, why are the quotes there? Sometimes it is necessary to say who said what and gender is a good way to indicate that when two people of opposite genders are speaking. That’s fine. However, even then I still hate “(gender) said” tags. We know it was freaking said! Don’t waste words telling me what I already know unless it’s to either A) rephrase it uniquely for effect, or B) it hasn’t been relevent for such a toime that restating it is probably a good idea.
What do I do instead? Well, what I started out doing we won’t discuss here (lol), but what that morphed into, and I actually do like, is short, to the point, “here’s how it was said and what was happening while it was said.”
Example:
“You sure?” coy looking looking into his eyes
“What do you thin?” also coy, returning her look.
…and so on and so forth, dropping tags once the conversation gets going and the reader is familiar with the tone…until the tone changes, if it does.
You already know the line is spoken, so saying that it’s said is redundant. Period. If it’s not obvious how it was said, such as:
“…and NO, that is NOT the right answer.”
Then you’d assume the character might be mad, or annoyed, or upset, or something anlong those lines when they’re, in fact, not. So, how would you know?
“…and NO, that is NOT the right answer,” langhuing, sets cup of coffee on the table, repositions legs to maintain comfort.
Now you know, the character is not mad. However, if the dialogue was spoken exactly as it read, then no tag would be necessary…or used.
“Riiiiight, I highly doubt she knows what she’s doing.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“And how are you so sure she doesn’t know?”
“Has she ever?”
Pretty obvious, right? Right. If the first, third, and fifth lines were supposed to have a sarcastic subtext (as though the character was repeating part of something someone else said about him) then it would be notied. That simple. And yess the same conversation would make sense if the character speaking lines two and four didn’t get the sarcasm (and it was noted, at a minimum on line two, then left to be assumed for line four because, at the point, it would just make sense to carry over their previous dialogue tag…nothing indicating a change so why assume one?)
I hate useless dialogue tags. Efficiency, to the point, and don’t tell me the line of dialogue was spoken…maybe tell me if it was sung, maybe then tell me, but of all the books I’ve read I have yet to read “he sung”, lol
Now, what if you have the dreaded “more than two people” conversation? There’s two ways I go about this:
1. with dialogue tags:
“Personally, I think she could benefit from some real worldd experience,” Marcus, confidently.
“True, but is this really the type of experience she needs?” Lisa, worried.
“Any experience is good experience, isn’t it?” Theresa, ignorant of the subject on hand…as usual.
2. without dialogue tags:
“Why would anyone WANT to do that?” Marcus.
“I don’t know, because they don’t know any better?” Therea.
“Don’t know any better? It should be as simple as flipping a light switch…I mean, you know…to figure out what he, supposedly, can’t seem to,” Lisa.
Sometimes I’ll start the line with the name (mixing it up)…it just depends on what works best to keep it interesting and make the tags seem less like a formula, (so they don’t eventually become a formula, and thus distracting).
If the tag is interesting and not just a pointer to tell the reader how the line was spoken then I’m find with it…however, every single “he/she said” tag I’ve ever read fails in that regard…fails so much so that I want to google search the author’s address and show up on their door step so I can ask them: “really? you’re proud of this?”
However, with that said: find what works best for you, this is works best for me.
Joanna Penn says
I love that you’re so passionate about this 🙂
Lessa Lamb says
I think this is interesting stylistically, but reads like theater or film direction to me, and is extremely distracting (I’m actually actively annoyed by it) as far as dialog tagging is concerned.
If I were editing your work (I’m an editor, and work mostly in fiction), I would probably have an issue with it. As a reader (and I do quite a lot of that, too), I would not buy your work because of this stylistic choice: I wouldn’t be able to read it without having the feeling that something was missing with every dialog exchange.
Were I editing this, and you were adamant about keeping this style, I’d change it to a more traditional script-style read:
Marcus: “Why would anyone WANT to do that?”
Therea: “I don’t know, because they don’t know any better?”
Lisa: “Don’t know any better? It should be as simple as flipping a light switch…I mean, you know…to figure out what he, supposedly, can’t seem to.”
This is how I’d write this:
“Personally, I think she could benefit from some real world experience,” Marcus intoned confidently.
“True, but is this really the type of experience she needs?” Lisa worried.
“Any experience is good experience, isn’t it?” Theresa was ignorant of the subject on hand…as usual.
The last example, where you just use the speaker in a sentence after, or even before, the spoken bits, seems the most obvious to me, if efficiency is your big jones. Then you’re describing the situation and the speaker in one go, the flow is gook, people know who’s talking, and you’re avoiding the dreaded tag words you so despise.
Anyway, not sure I’m representative, and I don’t mean to discount something that’s working for you, but I find it difficult and frustrating to read. Could just be I’m stuck in editor-mode, and need to loosen up a bit. 😉
Sarah Jane Webb says
Hi Joanna, I recently submitted the translation of a short story to a sci-fi magazine. I received a polite no, and the editor – who recommended Standard Manuscript Formatting – included a link to William Shunn’s online Proper Manuscript Format guide. Though excellent, this guide leaves me wondering what to do in the case of a long correspondence between two scientists and a foreign entity. Rather than dialogue tags, the author used a different font for the foreign entity. Can you recommend an acceptable alternative that would go down well with editors?
Thanks in advance,
Sarah Jane Webb – translator
Joanna Penn says
Hi Sarah Jane, I really couldn’t recommend anything. I don’t write those types of stories, so I’d suggest talking to an editor – or hiring one to check before submission. All the best,
Lessa Lamb says
I’m an editor! I work often in the sci-fi/fantasy realm, and would be happy to consult with you on this problem. Feel free to email me: lessajay at gmail.com
Joanna, please let me know if this post is inappropriate. I’m not trying to fish or spam, and in fact, was reading your blog trying to answer an editing question of my own! Just thought I’d extend my assistance, if it was desired. 🙂
Mikleo says
Hello, I just want to ask something.
Can you tell me which is correct?
First, my question is about the use of ( … ) in a dialogue. Do I place a space after (…)? Do I capitalize the first letter after (…)?
“Do you want to go… ice skating?” She widened her eyes innocently.
“Do you want to go…ice skating?” She widened her eyes innocently.
“Do you want to go… Ice skating?” She widened her eyes innocently.
Second, how do I format a lyrics inside a novel?
Do I place them in italics? bold? center-aligned?
Can anyone help?
Thank you.
Lessa Lamb says
For the ellipsis question, I format them like your first example:
“Do you want to go… ice skating?” She widened her eyes innocently.
There are a *lot* of disparities in how the ellipsis is formatted. Some people say to use it like an em-dash, with no spaces on either side. Some say put a space both at the front and back. Some advocate for spaces between the periods, some leave them out, and many word processing programs will insert a “ellipsis character” with smaller spaces between the periods, turning the ellipsis itself into a single character, which I find useful. Every style guide and blog I’ve ever read on the subject has said that the important thing is consistency: if you start using it in a certain way, keep using it in that way. So if you choose one of your examples, try to stick with that format.
The reason I use the three-dots-with-a-space format is because it feels the most like the familiar commas, periods, colons, semicolons, etc., that we are more used to. There could be a case made for the spacing of the ellipsis to change with the context, too. For instance, in the case you use, the ellipsis indicates a hesitation in the speaker’s thought, and the sentence continues afterwards, so I would not capitalize ‘ice skating,’ and would put the space after the three dots, more like a comma. If I were indicating something in a dialog, where one person trailed off, and the other person hesitantly picked up the thread of the dialog, I might not use spaces:
“Do you want to go…” She trailed off, her eyes widening innocently.
“…Ice skating?” he finished tentatively.
In this case, I’d capitalize the ‘Ice’ because it’s a new speaker, but again, it could be argued, and I don’t think there are solid rules here.
For your lyrics question, I need to ask for some context: are you quoting a song, or using lyrics for something you’ve created? If you’re quoting lyrics, I’d use this format:
“We all live/ in a yellow submarine/ yellow submarine/ yellow submarine./ We all live/ in a yellow submarine…” etc.
If you’re creating a song or poem inside the story, I’d use an indented and/or italicized format, which I can’t demonstrate here, since italics aren’t recognized. But it’d look something like this, with or without italics, as you chose:
The submarine we lived in
was yellow as the summer sun–
all the family, always within,
making memories, coining fun.
You could center them if you wanted, but I find centered text for more than three or four lines distracting and a little difficult to read.
Those are my editorial 2 cents. 😉
J. says
Lately, I keep formatting my dialog all wrong, every single incorrect that’s shown on here. what the heck is wrong with me? *smacks self.* So needed to find this article again and refresh.
Bill Keck says
I have a question about the proper use of an “if” clause. Are both of these correct:
“If you think I’m going,” she said. “You are wrong!”
or
“If you think I’m going,” she said, “you are wrong.”
The reason I ask is that sometimes you want to put a beat in the middle like so:
“If you think I’m going,” she said, crumpling the paper. “I’m not.”
That is easier to read, in my opinion, than:
“If you think I’m going,” she said, crumpling the paper, “I’m not.”
But I’m not sure if the version I like is grammatically correct.
Rebecca says
I am editing a manuscript with a line of dialogue that has an action beat in the middle of a sentence. I am uncertain of how to punctuate the line of dialogue/capitalize the action beat. Here is an example:
“This place,” She waved her hands around her, “not great.”
Any help would be appreciated.
Rebecca says
Follow up: I was unclear. The action beat includes and action by the speaker and also an action by someone who is not the speaker.
Joanna Penn says
I would do it like this:
“This place.” She waved her hands around her. “Not great.”
I’d also indicate what she is waving at e.g.
“This place.” She waved her hands around her at the nicotine-stained walls encrusted with black mold. “Not great.”
M H says
When using a dialogue tag following a question mark, can you ever say “he said”, or should it always be “he asked”? Thanks.
Tracy says
I have a question regarding action before dialogue. If the speaker performs an action before speaking does that start the new paragraph or does the dialogue.
for example:
“You jerk,” she said.
Bob’s head whips around. “It’s not what it looks like.”
OR
“You jerk, she said. Bob’s head whips around.
“It’s not what it looks like.”
Thank you!
Joanna Penn says
I’d use the first option, although watch your tenses.
If ‘she said,’ then Bob’s head whipped around.
In fact, to make it more active, it would be ‘Bob whipped his head around’as the head is not separate to Bob!
Using ProWritingAid would help with this in terms of tenses and grammar and sentence structure. Tutorial here: https://www.thecreativepenn.com/2020/04/17/writing-software-prowritingaid/
Mary says
I am helping someone with their book, and I’ve come across a dialogue tag that I feel is not done correctly; however, I can’t finding a good resource to address it had been difficult. I read one short story writer who said, “don’t do this”, but that’s it.
So, my dilemma is this…
A dialogue tag that has actions of other characters included. There’s no punctuation involved, but I’m not even sure if the other characters’ actions should be there. That being said, some of them are high action scenes, and I believe the writer is afraid a new paragraph would interfere with the flow, especially if the specific character’s dialogue continues.
Some examples:
“We should return him to the city at least,” Marie said while Carl lifted the body, and Luna could feel her friend’s remorse.
“Be careful,” Marie said as the others entered. “I can feel great evil.”
“Wait!” Carl said as Luna ran down the aisle. “Let’s get Marie.”
At first, I was going to suggest a comma preceding ‘as’, but I’m thinking the other characters’ action should be separated from the dialogue.
Are these tags proper?