OLD POST ALERT! This is an older post and although you might find some useful tips, any technical or publishing information is likely to be out of date. Please click on Start Here on the menu bar above to find links to my most useful articles, videos and podcast. Thanks and happy writing! – Joanna Penn
You can't write that.
You can't think that.
You can't imagine those things.
You don't have permission to be that person, to think like that, to write like that, to publish that.
You're a nice girl. What will people think of you?
That's my inner critic speaking, but I've also heard those words echoed from people close to me over the years. I think it's only been in the last six months that I have given myself permission to let the raw side of me loose on the page. I'm finally finding my voice.
It's scary as hell because it turns out my stories are dark and twisty, but it's also empowering and liberating to let my mind have a free rein.
But I have to keep reminding myself that I have permission to write. Or I would stay safe in the shallows.
A friend told me the other day that I've changed since I became a full time writer. But I think it's just that the inner me is finally making it to the surface after years of suppression and doing what I was supposed to do.
And how has this change in me come about?
I've been writing journals for 20 years but blogging here for nearly 5 years has changed me far more. Because clicking the Publish button has made me think more deeply about what I want to say.
Because these words are going into the world, and people may well read them.
Because I have met writers who have challenged me to go deeper.
Those of you who have been reading this blog for a long time have witnessed the change as I've shared the journey with all its ups and downs.
Clicking the Publish button on Amazon or the other distributors has the same effect. It makes us braver over time, because we have to keep bringing our best to the page and we get almost instant feedback from readers.
This is the beauty of self publishing, because we don't need permission anymore.
If I hadn't self published Pentecost four years ago, or clicked Publish on this blog, I would still be a miserable IT consultant, talking about writing but not doing it.
If I hadn't persisted through three novels, I would not be finding my voice in the fourth.
If I had asked permission, or if I had waited to be picked, I would still be dreaming of what might have been.
Of course, permission to write and self-publish doesn't mean you'll get it right the first time.
It doesn't guarantee Hugh Howey or Amanda Hocking type success.
But it shifts you inside, it forces you to go further creatively. It enables you to clear the way for the next step, and after all, the writer's life is a journey of discovery, not a destination.
So you have permission. You are empowered.
To write.
To publish.
To connect with readers and writers all over the globe.
I'm done with taming the crazy. I'm giving myself permission. How about you?
Please do leave a comment below if this resonates with you. This is our community, and I sincerely thank you for sharing it with me.
This post was inspired by an article on agent Rachelle Gardner's blog entitled ‘Will My Publisher Let Me Self-Publish Too?” which sparked a lot of passionate comment and offended me over the aspect of permission. Rachelle has since published a Mea Culpa article.
Aurelia Blue says
It resonates! Oh, how it does! Thank you, Joanna. Write on!
Alex Brantham says
Joanna, as a very early-stages wannabe writer, I have to agree – permission is perhaps the hardest thing. As you’ve said, this includes permission to write the things that I want to write. But, just to add to your list, it also includes permission to take the TIME to write. Sadly, I don’t think that constitutes permission not to do the washing up or go shopping: but I have to keep reminding myself that I HAVE decided that I want to write and that means that I HAVE given myself permission to take the time to have a decent go at it.
Joanna Penn says
I have found that even giving yourself the time to write doesn’t stop the guilt at the things you SHOULD be doing 🙂 You just have to learn to put that aside and put fingers to keyboard …
Harriet Smart says
Oh yes, completely agree with this!
When I started writing and was traditionally published back in the early nineties, I was young and confident and issues of permission did not come into it. I had complete self belief – possibly too much self belief! I just wrote what I wanted, the publisher published it and amazingly asked for more. Five books later, publishing changed and I was out on my ear with my first rejection. Horrible.
Rejection after rejection then removed my sense of permission, of being able to can-do, and replaced it with a creeping feeling that I must write to please everyone else rather than myself. So I lamely chased the market and trends, to no good effect. And those were rejected and I felt my words drying up because no-one would give me permission to write.
But publishing our own software (see http://www.writerscafe.co.uk) and seeing people enjoy it and run with it, made me realise that permission to do that cames from us, the creators, rather than the consumers. We didn’t need anyone to tell us to do what we did. We just did it. And at the same time the ebook indie publishing revolution came along and I discovered I can now write the books I want (my game pie, love em or hate em early Victorian Northminster Mysteries) and know there is an audience for them. Having giving myself permission to be the writer that I actually am has found me those readers, who are asking for the next one soon please!
So this all chimes with me. Pick up the pen. Don’t wait for someone to allow you to do so. You may fail to make a decent piece of art first time, but you will learn something valuable – that you are allowed to do it, no matter what.
Wayne Kelly says
Hi Joanna,
Great post that touched a chord with me, particularly as my first post for the recent A-Z Challenge was Action! Stop waiting for permission to start living your life.
I agree that through sharing your words with others online, you can learn, be inspired and most of all find the confidence to keep going. For me, it has also been a great way to connect with more like-minded people. Good luck on your continuing journey.
Tom Evans says
My last book published by a traditional publisher took them a year to publish PLUS they introduced over 30 errors after I had proof read it. Somewhat ironically, I published its sequel 10 months before it came out.
Last year I wrote and published a 10k word book in just 3 weeks (Kindle and print).
I haven’t got it in for publishers at all but they have some work to do in order to catch up with what is now possible. Evolution to being a 21st century publisher is permissible !!
Cyd Madsen says
I’ve watched a small part of the change in you, read it in your books, and watched everything you put out keep getting better and better. If we have to dig deep and set loose our characters in our writing, that has to happen with us. It’s a struggle, but as always, you lead the way. Very grateful to have you around.
Joanna Penn says
Thanks Cyd and I really appreciate your support! Having you and others in the community has helped me progress, and I hope you continue to find the site a useful place for your development too.
Ellis Shuman says
Doesn’t it boil down to:
Traditional Publishing = you write/create within the framework allowed by others.
Self-Publishing = you write/create based on what you want to do.
Dan Holloway says
Such an important subject. I know a lot of people who glibly say “oh, you should never self-censor”. Almost without exception they are people who have never considered writing anything that would make others even wince, let alone prompt outrage, disgust or, worse, the kind of thing we saw with Salman Rushdie. And whenever people make such glib comments about writers having to have integrity and “what’s the problem” it’s worth reminding them of Rushdie and the fact that, actually, sometimes saying the thing you *really have to say* isn’t just a matter of a writer’s gran going “ewww” or worrying your boss will think you’re a bit gross – sometimes it can mean a very real threat to your and your family’s life.
I am aware that I self-censor a lot. I agonise constantly over the material I write. I think my observations from those agonisings would be:
– I once wrote an article on how to choose a piece for a reading when what you write is explicit. It was a guest post for someone who thought I must find it excruciating to read some of the things I do (here’s a video of my reading at Literary Death Match http://vimeo.com/16145245 – the piece Last Fluffer in La La Land is what I call “an expansion of the opening sentence of Brett Easton Ellis’ Less Than Zero into an account of the last human contact on earth, in the form of a fading male porn star masturbating over the dead body of the last person to work as a fluffer in teh San Fernando Valley’s porn industry. I also regularly read a piece I wrote for the transgressive website Games Perverts Play called Meat, which is an imagined dirty phone call between me and my first girlfriend as she bleeds out in the bath). Looking back, I was surprised to find that no, I’d never been the slightest bit embarrassed or uneasy about reading either of these pieces (the judges’ reaction at LDM is interesting – there’s a video of that too. Two of the judges were deeply uneasy whilst the doyenne of 60s couture and 70s soft porn Molly Parkin loved it). and the reason for that is that there is absolutely nothing about either piece that is contrived or done for shock value. Each comes from the deepest part of me and conveys what I believe to be a fundamental truth I had to tell and does so exactly the way I thought it had to be told. On the other hand, once or twice I have rather lazily written something thinking “ooh, this will shake them up” and the moment I’ve seen it in print or on the screen I’ve wanted to scrub the whole thing. So lesson one would be tell what you have to tell in the way you have to tell it. Avoid artifice at all costs
– I think it’s probably fair to say that no great art has ever come about by someone holding part of themselves back. I find myself doing it (from the above, you can probably see why – if that’s the kind of stuff I write with no qualms at all, then the stuff I hum and hah about, well…) but when that happens, I’ll abandon the project altogether rather than put it out in watered down form. I think the best way to put it would be that to give only a portion of yourself on the page is deeply deceitful to your readers.
– A story I often recount is being invited to take part in a very prestigious collaboration with a lot of very successful self-publishers who’d all sold six figures worth of books. I was deeply flattered to be asked and very excited. I was asked to contribute my best short story to an anthology to showcase us. I sent The Last Fluffer in La La Land – it’s still the best prose I’ve written by a long way, the only prose I’d be happy to see on a shelf alongside anyone writing today. I got an agonised email back that started in essence “I don’t want to censor you but”. I think that was the moment it crystallised in my head that I didn’t want to be part of the commercial self-publishing scene. Or rather, I couldn’t be. I had no choice but to pull out of the project and return to the peripheries. But I’ve never been happier than I am here. If there’s a lesson there, it’s to do with how we relate to each other – of course different genres have different expectations, but outside of that, we really shouldn’t be censoring each other on content.
Wonderful article Joanna, and many of those points should be printed out and pasted above all our desks
Joanna Penn says
Thanks for the long comment Dan, and you continue to be an inspiration to me around your own creativity. I feel that you are years ahead in terms of writing maturity – but I am getting onto the right path. I feel there is an edge I am exploring and I’m just finding my way along the line.
I do think self-censorship is important if it will hurt you or your family – there are some stories I won’t be writing because they would deeply hurt people I care about. Maybe one day though.
Carl Sinclair says
Well said. Our whole lives we are forced to ask fot permission. No more!
Carole Seawert says
I’ve always given myself permission to write. Whether it was short stories or children’s texts or just anything that came into my head. What I wasn’t able to do until the era of self publishing was get any of my stuff published. And I did try. Hooray for Kindle and the e-book, that’s what I say!
Laura Drake says
But we’ve always had this power! We still have it! I don’t understand why people blame publishers…especially today, when we all have choices. No one is putting you in chains in a basement, manacled to a typewriter for cripes sakes…didn’t YOU sign the contract?
And if you did, it doesn’t limit you from writing and self-publishing on other subjects, does it? If it does, shame on you for signing it.
I don’t know where the current ‘victim’ attitude of some writers has come from. WE, as creators of the product have the power. The power to write – the power not to. I’m not meaning to sound scolding, really. It just bothers me that anyone would not recognize that they have control over their own life.
Carpe diem!
Dan Holloway says
yes, we do all have control over what we write, but as I tried to say in the point about Rushdie, that doesn’t always make it easy to write what we have to write. Sometimes it is, literally, a matter of life and death (as I’m reminded every time I read Joanna’s name and think of its homonym, International Pen) and in those cases saying what you are compelled to say is more than taking control, it’s an act of extreme bravery and no little responsibilty, and I would argue that every act of creative free expression is only on a sliding scale down from that. Anyone who is able to embrace that freedom is to be roundly applauded, and I’d hesitate to condemn anyone who feels the reponsibility too great
Rachel Abbott says
Well said, Joanna.
You know what I think writing has done for me – I talked about it on this very blog only a few days ago. It’s changed me, but I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing (although some might disagree!).
When I started I was told that my writing didn’t match what publishers were looking for – but hey – I got to number 1 on Amazon, sold huge numbers of books, and my second book is in the top ten now! I write the books that mean something to me, and it seems that – for some people at least – they work for them too.
I don’t think most of us can write what we’re told to write. We write what we feel. I have given myself permission, and it has changed my life!
Margaret Webster says
Self-censorship is our biggest foe.
I tremble everytime I press “send” on my newsletter or “upload” on a blog post. All I can hear in my head is every imaginable critique.
You’re right, we all need to be braver.
Jen says
It’s interesting that I’ve read more than one post that’s at least in some ways similar to this over the past couple of months. And, it’s not necessarily been in the fiction or essay realm of writing. This is exactly why I started my blog over four years ago. I still write my social commentary that pushes the boundaries at times and have spread my wings to start a social media blog and business. Connecting with so many other wonderful people online has been empowering and has allowed me to move beyond my fears. Thank you for being part of that community.
Victoria Paige says
I had trouble writing my first book. I toned down the words, but after my friends teased me about being a ‘porn’ writer with a potty mouth anyway, heck might as well embrace it. I’m not holding anything back. I have a twisted way of thinking too that shocks most people, but it’s my dark humor. Writing with censure does stifle your real voice.
Joanna Penn says
I celebrate your twisted way of thinking Victoria 🙂
Deceth says
Hey now, listen… I was just wondering… you know, how do you tell the crazy voices apart from the normal voices? It’s a rather big ordeal trying to sort them all out in my head… I’ve been poking around in there for a while now, but these voices aren’t very cooperative, being figments of my imagination and all…
Sometimes I wonder if maybe I’m just a figment in some other imagination and then I think it would be rather unfortunate if this person decided to tame me before I have a chance to figure this stuff out.
What the hell are figments anyways?!
Melissa Heald says
Great article! And I hear you, Alex Brantham – I need to give myself permission to write not just what to write. I am still procrastinating, but hopefull will find the will and the way to write soon. And have the guts to self-publish.
Ryan Petty says
Joanna,
Congrats on one of your best blog posts ever. Giving ourselves permission is, I think, part and parcel with developing the autonomy and independence of thought necessary to be a professional writer.
Reese says
Your opening comments about struggling with your inner critic and meeting the expectations of those close to you mirror my situation. Like you, it took some time for me to find my true voice. It is still a work in process. So I also found that post about getting permission to self-publish disturbing.
The level of service that publishers give to their authors in this tumultuous period in publishing is anemic, at best. The thought of a publisher further hampering an author’s ability to be successful is infuriating.
Thank you for sharing this post and further sparking debate on this subject.
Ryan Casey says
‘I’m done with taming the crazy.’ — Great line! I write mystery/thriller/suspense and have worried about some of the content in my books but I’ve decided if it feels right to my creative side and complements the story, it’s most probably right.
I think back to when an adult character calls a kid a ‘c**t’ in my debut novel. A family member had a read and, as much as they loved the book, they told me that I’d probably alienate a potential audience by using the word. I told them I appreciated their opinion but the use of the word was in service to the story as its sole purpose is to show the reader how dangerous this particular character is. So, yeah, my own little anecdote there anyway.
Great post!
Ryan
Joanna Penn says
Thanks Ryan – and I find it completely crazy when people object to swearwords in books, when there are scenes of graphic violence or sex that seem to be completely acceptable! We live in a crazy world 🙂