OLD POST ALERT! This is an older post and although you might find some useful tips, any technical or publishing information is likely to be out of date. Please click on Start Here on the menu bar above to find links to my most useful articles, videos and podcast. Thanks and happy writing! – Joanna Penn
We all have fears that we need to conquer as authors.
Fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, and for some even fear of success.
But for me, it’s fear of judgment – fear of what people will think of my writing and me as a person when they read my books. Do you feel the same way?
On a personal note, my writing is getting darker – or perhaps it was always dark, and now I’m just getting into my stride. After all, Stone of Fire opens with a nun being burned alive on the ghats at Varanasi, Crypt of Bone features the ritual murder of a child in a bone church and Ark of Blood has a scene with ritual sex in a tomb.
The book I have just finished writing, Desecration (currently with beta-readers) is definitely towards the horror end of the thriller spectrum. Within the murder mystery at the heart of the story is a tale of body modification, ritual murder, the art of corpses and a consideration of dualism, whether our physical body defines us. (If you like the sound of it, you can sign up to my J.F.Penn fiction mailing list here).
So I've written dark things before but this is the first time I haven’t censored myself as I write. I've given the dark side of my mind permission to indulge but as I am about to start the rewrites, I find myself on the edge of crossing things out, not because they need editing, but because I don’t want people to read them and judge me for my thoughts.
But then why do we write if not to tackle the fears that others look to us to conquer?
So how do we tackle this fear of judgment?
(1) Use a pseudonym
Many erotica authors use pseudonyms to protect their identities and it's definitely the way to go if fear is stopping you from writing at all. But I want to put my name to Desecration and my other books because part of me wants to acknowledge that these thoughts are mine.
(2) Be strong and steadfast but also surround ourselves with people who understand us.
My husband is fortunately understanding of my desire to visit strange spots when we go on holiday. So in Budapest, we spent our time at the House of Terror where Communists tortured people to death as well as the mass grave in the old Ghetto of the synagogue. In Paris it was the catacombs where the remains of 6 million people lie in macabre underground decorative crypts.
These macabre interests are part of me and so I hope you too can find like-minded people who support your research and career. I can definitely recommend the Alliance of Independent Authors if you want to hang out with people who understand the weirdness of being a writer!
(3) Understand that embracing the shadow side is psychologically healthy
In Jungian psychology the shadow is a critical part of our whole self. Life is not all sweetness and light and there is but a thin veneer of civilization over our ancient animal genetics. Death and fear, violence and sex will always be part of our culture so as writers it's important to embrace that and reflect it in our writing. I am acknowledging the shadow more in my own work, and also feel that when the things we fear are on the page, they have less power over us.
(4) Understand that the book is not you
When people judge your book, remember that they are not judging you as a person. I write of ritual murder, but clearly that’s not what I do in my life, which is mainly spent in libraries and at my computer 🙂 If you hang out on this blog, you'll know I am unfailingly positive and generally very happy! We are all complex creatures, so our work is merely one aspect of our character at a specific point in time.
The easiest way to deal with this is to write another book, because who we are right now changes and the next book is something else again … we morph as our work does, or vice versa 🙂 I find the fear of judgment lessens with every book I put out there, because I can just move on.
Do you suffer from fear of judgment? How do you deal with it? Please do leave a comment so I don't think I am the only one!
Vanitha says
Hi Joanna,
You are so right in saying, “our work is merely one aspect of our character at a specific point in time”. We evolve with each experience. There is some level of courage required to write, shelving our doubts and fears into a box and to sit on the top of the box. It took me years of craving to write, that I finally started to look out for anything related to writing. Thanks for all the encouragement and energy that you are spreading to the writer’s community.
Jessica Vaccairno says
You’ve hit my problem on the head.
I’ve always been an avid writer. There was a time when I wouldn’t be caught dead without a pen and paper. I was always writing something. Then one day, things changed. I still have no idea what happened. I still have constant ideas swirling but all of a sudden I have an intense crippling fear of people reading what I write down, right down to notes scribbled in a planner. (Having a minor panic attack about posting this!) This fear has prevented me from writing so many things. I’ve had ideas that ive been trying to get onto paper for years but the moment I start to write it down I find I can no longer continue because I’m crippled by the fear.
My writing has always had a dark edge to it, I think that may also be part of the problem is the judgement factor. When I have written something dark in the past and found the courage to show it to someone I always get the same response. Usually something about how ”sadistic” I am.
Any tips on getting over this?
Maggie says
Sometimes we need to find the right audience for our work- like a writing club that focuses on the genre we’re writing in. I myself could use one! My friends and family are very supportive of my writing but unfortunately none of them are fiction readers and they can’t always give me a perspective on different techniques I used to tell my story.
p.j. carter says
I just fell in love with you and Roz on youtube. My fear is that everyone will see how dumb I really am when they read my work – they’ll see that I cannot write. If they never see my story, they’ll assume I know what I’m doing. I just don’t let anyone close see anything I’ve done.
Joanna Penn says
Hi PJ,
Thanks for sharing this very common fear – and actually, in my opinion, many of those close to us are the very worst people to help us with our writing. You need objective help from people you don’t care about – they’re called editors! They can help you make the book better – whatever stage you’re at. http://www.thecreativepenn.com/editors/
You can also join critique groups online to work through your book, but personally, working with paid editors has been the best way to improve.
All the best, Joanna
Briana says
I have a fear of judgment too and I think that’s what is keeping from getting deep into my writing and making excuses on why I can’t write this day or the next.
Kinza Sheikh says
I do fear the judgement of those around me. Like I get embarrassed when a love interest develop in my stories. (Not erotic. I am not interested in that a dime bit)
But, now I have developed some boundaries between work and family. So now I work with more ease. But my productivity is a mess, I had thought of getting serious in my profession in this January, and until now, I am just battling with outlines. I guess, in that part, I will have to follow your advice of getting this thing out on the page. Then learning how to make it better. 🙂
sravan says
Thank you very much for your post , i like stories in my native language , i dream to write stories in English but i always felt my English is not that good to write stories.i fear people may laugh for my grammatical /spelling mistakes.but after reading this post i am determined to write stories in English , thank you very much for this post.
Joanna Penn says
Hi Sravan, I would just suggest hiring an English editor to make sure your books are of the highest standard. All the best!
sravan says
Thanks for the idea.really god idea.your website is awesome. subscribed.
Samantha says
Sravan,
You’re English seems better than most people who speak it as their native language. Just get on Facebook and read a few posts, it should definitely boost your confidence. *facepalm* I agree with an English editor and write away. As to the issue of being afraid to write, I’m in the same boat. I write memoirs, and I’m scared what peoplease will think when they read how I really feel about certain things. Religion, politics, etc. It’s scary. But the authors I love have always pushed boundaries & that’s why I love them. So maybe…just maybe…
sravan says
@samantha
Thanks for your comment , thanks for your encouragement , i never thought my English is comparable to others.your comment raised my confidence levels.thank you very much,wish you all luck , have a wonderful life.
Sravan says
After reading this blog post , commenting for this post and the replies i got from you and Samantha gave me courage to start http://prakamya.org
i am no more thing of being judged by others , just focusing on writing.
Thanks for your website , specially for this post.
Joanna Penn says
woohoo! go, Sravan!
Genedel Getuiza says
I am at the same boat as you, Sravan. I also write my story in our own language but I also want to make a story in English but I lack courage to do that.
Ian Barnett says
I found this interesting, Joanna. I’ve written non-fiction for ten years (magazine articles and books) so when it came to my first novel (Jaguar), I considered a nom-de-plume. Yet like you, I thought no, to hell with it! This is ‘me’ expressing my imagination. Many purchasers, knowing my non-fiction work, were a bit surprised that I could write about sex and slaughter, with some injection of humour too. It really amused me, as normally I write about hunting and field-craft yet some of my ‘followers’ found the novel ‘squeamish’! They all hit me with 5 star reviews though, encouraging the next one. Keep up the good work!
Joanna Penn says
I’m glad you understand – I find the brand juggling quite difficult – but it all represents parts of me! All the best with your sex and slaughter!
David J Delaney says
Fear of Judgement for me has been awful and liberating. I hate feeling stupid and that exactly how I feel before I have someone read my work. Once they’ve finished and haven’t burst out laughing it liberates me to move on… but only slightly. I guess it might take a while before I finally get past the fear…
Joanna Penn says
I hate feeling stupid too, David! I don’t know if we will ever lose this fear – so we just have to move past it regardless!
Raven Von Krieger says
I could care less of what the people think once my work is published. However when my first draft is just sitting waiting to get finished I fear that someone might read it and try to destroy my writing because of the negative thoughts that is odd for my culture, because I’m a female and my family “values.”
Trevlyn says
I’m sooo glad I found this site. You guys are saying all that I feel. I’ve published two eBooks but I’m still scared of what people will think.
Joanna Penn says
I’m not sure that feeling ever goes away 🙂
Ruben Vasquez says
I have a growing passion of writing… it is thrilling and I am learning… I have joined a writer’s guild… and have run into some criticism of my work… but then again that is what a writer’s guild/group is about .. to help one improve their craft… I had attended for several months .. then I backed off… creativity is not a problem… many of these members have written a book(s) and their intellect and vocabulary is way up here and I am but a fledgling … I began to take their criticism personal… that is why I backed away. I looked at their comments and many were positive and I have made an effort to follow their advice. by all means I am still writing – and have decided to push through and edit my work… but… many times I find myself off track and off I go writing of something else… I am very weak at editing my own work… my genre is paranormal… I think I am evolving… do you have any advice
Maryanne B says
Yes, I do think everybody does, I wrote at least 3 books and I realized I didn’t finished them because I was afraid of what people would think,if someone would like it,if the book had a chance to be published if if if… My native language is Portuguese I write in Portuguese, although I can write in English as well i still improving and at the same time this is a fear of judgment as well,if my English is good enough if someone will read…Is annoying actually.
I started blogs as well, people read them but I stoped thinking again if someone was judging me because of them… Now i’m writing a new book and I know it is quite awesome, publishing or not the important is not give up, I intend to publish my books, and plan to start a write/read blog soon,because after all write,read and languages are my passions.
Good luck for you,can’t stop reading your blog
Kristen says
Hi Joanna – thanks for directing me to this post – so many good points! I’m lucky to have a great partner for support and at least one pseudonym at the moment. I agree, the shadow is important and a central part of being human. Good to know ritual murder is not a part of your day to day practice, though…
😉
Many thanks, again, for your thoughtful and really useful work!
Kristen
John Milligan says
When I told some friends about my story they expressed grave doubts about using my own name. ‘You’ll have Jihadists tracking you down’ I was told. ‘There’s a large Muslim community in your town they’r very sensitive and can be violent.’ was another thing I was told. Yet I wanted to fight these fears it’s MY book and I do not put down anyone’s religion or religious beliefs in it.
I was also told: ‘You can’t publish this it’s a blueprint for an actual attack.’ Well I’ve done it whether or not it’ll sell is another point entirely.
I’m glad I’m not alone in these worries you’ve helped to lighten my load.
Joanna Penn says
This is a tough one – but I had the same feedback about ‘One Day in Budapest,’ because it refers to extremists. But to be honest, I’m not sure they are likely to read our books! Ultimately, you have to make the decision as to what to put into the world.
Adrian says
I’m yet to published my debut fantasy fiction novel that is in editing now. So far I have taken the attitude that I am proud of what I have created and want to put my real name to it. I use my real name and middle initial everywhere right now in connection with my writing.
Then the doubt creeps in. In real life, I’m a freelance IT consultant and have no plans to stop doing this, and of course known by my name in this industry.
In what way does a writer of fantasy, magic, monsters and horror belong in the world of banking, public services or whatever when my other “mad” life is but a google search away.
Once I have worked with people a while I usually end up telling them about my writing. They soon notice me frantically hammering at my laptop in lunch breaks, after work, on the train or wherever and an explanation becomes necessary.
No one has ever laughed, in fact, they are quite intrigued, but only more junior people have ever read a sample.
I probably should not worry, but I cannot afford to have a potential client pass me by for IT work because of the “crazy” stuff I write about.
Naomi Ross says
Thank you so much for writing this!
I recently took a break from my writing to focus on my shamanism (which often deals with both the light and dark side of energy and the universe), and I realized that the little detour I was taking and the spiritual enhancement of both my shadow side and my light side was going to help my story-telling in some incredible ways. But now that I’ve come back to writing I’ve been fearing the judgement. Fearing what people will think of the horror and darkness in my work and fearing even more what they’ll think if I talk about the spiritual and energetic aspects of it.
Reading this post gave me a serious boost of bravery, and I’m so glad you have such a healthy perspective on darkness.
Wonderful.
Thank you again <3
Milambo Hilawo Moonga says
Thank you for the advice given in the responses above. I am working on my first novel and given myself until August to complete the draft. I work and writing part time over weekends. The story I am writing is based on a personal journey, so I am already aware of the judgement that could come. I am writing under a pseudonym but comfortable with it as I have put together my middle name and one from both may parents in their honour.
The posts above have been very encouraging and will carry on. Thank you!
Janis Soucie says
Hi, Joanna. You’re so not the only one. I have been writing since 1999 and had self published four poetry books but have recently pulled them off the market. I feared people didn’t like what I wrote, even though I had no proof, and and the manuscript I have now is in it’s first edit, but I have so much fear of editing and rewriting the book that I’m not doing it well enough and that I don’t know enough about writing to be doing this. But I have been reading about writing and writing for years. I have had articles published so clearly I know how to do something with writing. So I have those fears, but then I also have the fear of being judged. I get so anxious over all of this it is literally debilitating and I put the work away and then search out some other interest to make my career. It’s hard but I keep writing because I know that I love to do it and can write easily, it’s just what comes after writing that gets me.